Quite a few options for a visit.

 

My child spending time with his dad is important to me.  I stood back and watched God move all the pieces around until an easy visit was peacefully arranged recently, March 26.  I took Mateo to Austin Road and after 3 nights there, just as we had discussed, a good man named Charlie brought my child home to me on March 29th.  

My child’s father has many options for visiting with his son.  I am happy to drive Mateo 70 miles to his dad’s farm and leave him there for a time.  All we need is a respectable person to drive the return trip. Or, if I was confident the visit would end gracefully, I would drive down and pick Mateo up.  Right now, I do not trust that Miguel will allow me to bring my child home.  So miguel needs to find a driver to make the return trip.  A driver that Mateo and I are both comfortable with.  

He has suggested that his friend Gracie drive Mateo, or Gracie’s partner Tim.  I do not trust Gracie because she has been unwilling up to this point, to take responsibility for her actions regarding a threat she extended me some time ago.   When papa suggested that Gracie drive Mateo, I wanted to explain why I was not accepting that offer so I told Mateo that papa’s friend Gracie had threatened me and then denied that she had sent that text message.  My child is not comfortable riding with Tim because he only knows Tim through Gracie.  Papa also suggested that his neighbor K make the return trip with Mateo and this is another person that threatened to use the law against me to force his own idea of reasonable visitation.  

There are many people in papa’s neighborhood that regularly drive people for money.  Similar to an Uber driver for the Amish.  To make the return trip with Mateo, Papa could hire one of these people to drive, none of whom has ever threatened me or has any interest in our visitation schedule.  I would feel comfortable that a person like that would just drive the van as arranged and Mateo’s visit with his dad would end gracefully, like it did when Charlie brought him home to me.  

miguel suggested that his friend Suzie from Rebel farm do the driving and I agreed to that, as long as Mateo was comfortable with it.  We have also agreed that Bob and Linda, or David and Donna could drive.  There are many people that attend the church a mile and a half from the farm that know miguel through Mateo’s and my long and consistent attendance there.  If miguel had developed relationships with any of these people they could drive to help him enjoy a visit with his son.  I have agreed that his daughter Grace could drive.  I have tried to develop a relationship with his son Isaiah and have not received reliable communication that builds the trust needed to allow my child to ride with him.  I hope to see this change as time goes on.  Our friend Janice picked Mateo up and brought him to me at the end of a previous visit.  Miguel has not contacted her about helping him see his son.  

The purpose of writing this down is as usual, to make myself feel better, and also to have this information public.  A few days ago when I spoke to Miguel’s friend Tim, he said that he thought miguel should hire a lawyer and subject Mateo to a DNA test in order to force the issue of what he believes are reasonable custody and visitation rights for miguel.  Miguel then called me and said that he was going to get a lawyer and somehow force Mateo to visit with him.  So it just feels better to have all this information out in public for anyone to see.  Miguel says he doesn’t understand why I won’t agree to G, T, or K driving Mateo.  I hope that maybe someone reading this could explain it to miguel.  Or someone could encourage him to pursue any of the other options mentioned above for arranging a visit with his son.  My child spending time with his dad is important to me. 

Continue reading for details about:

How previous visits have not ended gracefully

Last time we visited papa, as Mateo sat in the backseat, miguel punched me in the face as I was reaching down from the passenger seat to the ground to retrieve my bag that papa had pulled out of the car. 

This is not a criticism of papa, it's just what happened.

The time before that, at the end of a two week visit with his papa, when it was time for my child to come with me, his mother, there was a note from miguel taped to the door of his empty house, telling me to go on my way without the child.

This is not a criticism, that is just what happened.  

https://teetsforpeace.blogspot.com/2024/03/how-can-he-spend-time-with-his-dad.html

https://teetsforpeace.blogspot.com/2023/08/driving-from-bryan-oh-amtrak-station-to.html

Or

Gracie’s text message

Papa talks about me in such a way that one person he chooses to spend a great deal of time with, sent me a text message, threatening to call the police, accusing me of 6 specific illegal activities.  This text message, and papa’s ongoing relationship with this person, demonstrates the way papa feels about me and what he believes should happen to me.  He tells people that I have committed illegal activity and I should have the authorities involved to punish me for my behavior.  I have asked a few times for papa and this person to clear up the issue so that we can move forward with you visiting papa, free of the idea he raised about me being accused and turned in to the police.  Papa and his companion have both refused to acknowledge the text message.  I am not going to allow my child to spend time away from me, with a person that creates this situation of threat and accusation, and then refuses to clean it up.  It could be cleaned up.  

Text message from papa’s companion to me:

"you have abandon a property -- which is illegal.

Take a child away from their father without consent -- illegal.

You have made threats against peoples lives -- illegal.

What you are doing to Miguel is extortion, elderly abuse and straight up theft ... taking all the money from the cows -- from his herd.  

You are out of line and I hope you step foot back in hillsdale county.  

I pray for Mateo's safety.  If he had a SS# I would already called the cops & so would many others.  You are not in control here.  "

https://teetsforpeace.blogspot.com/2023/03/yes.html

How can he spend time with his dad?

     I am not an ex-wife complaining about her ex-husband.  I am a woman, a mother, working 24 hours a week at $17 / hr to pay for her child's dental health and repair.  I am a woman working 5 days a week as a live-in nanny, trading near 24 hour child care for room and board for my family.   The last time my child stayed with his dad for two weeks, he didn't brush his teeth one time.  That is not a criticism of the dad's care and attention of his son.  That is the truth of what happened.  

Another question surrounding my child spending time at his dad's farm involves the time when the visit is over.  The time when my child leaves papa and comes with me, his mother.  

Last time we visited papa he ended up punching me in the face as I knelt on the passenger seat of my vehicle, reaching down to the ground to retrieve my bag that papa had thrown out of the car. 

This is not a criticism of papa, it's just what happened.

The time before that, at the end of a two week visit with papa, when it was time for my child to come with his mother, there was a note from papa taped to the door of his empty house, telling me to go on my way without the child.

This is not a criticism, that is just what happened.  

I would like my child to spend time with his dad.  I'm not sure how that can happen without an ugly scene taking place at the end of any visit.  I believe in time, some trust can be rebuilt, but for now, based on the uncomfortable partings that have occurred, I don't know how to have my child spend time at his dad's house.  

The idea of having papa come here to visit the child for a day seems like a wonderful way for them to see each other.  That's why I wrote to Bob and Linda, requesting that they bring their friend miguel up here.

I am open to ideas based on the actual circumstances of what has occurred so far.  

Sad?

 “What day is it?”  

“Saturday.”

“Have I asked you what day it is?”

“No, its Saturday.” 

  “Ok”, looking at watch.  "What are we doing for dinner tonight?"

Ninety-two year old woman, a widow, her husband dead 14 years, lives alone in her apartment in a building for seniors.  Alone, except for the hired girls that take twelve hour shifts with her, eight in the morning to eight at night.  Then a different girl comes and stays until the next morning at 8am.  Over and over again, seven days a week.  The hired helpers are there to get her meals, help her dress and undress, make sure her gait belt is in place so they have something sturdy to hang on to as the woman loses her balance and tips backwards.  The girls get paid to answer her questions, “what day is it?  what are we doing for dinner?  what day is it?  are we going downstairs for dinner?  what day is it?”.  They are paid to do her laundry and take her toothbrush from her hand, gently and quietly placing a comb in her hand so she may continue combing her hair with that, instead of the toothbrush. 

      At meals in the tiny apartment, the woman makes eye contact and offers a muted smile, the unrecognition naked in her eyes as she asks me, like she has every Saturday for the past two months, “are you a student here?” She can be sweet and kind, offering phrases about how she’s glad I’m here to keep track of things and how she needs me to find her way back to her apartment.  Sometimes she seems upset as she testily asks if I am sure there’s no dinner in the dining room tonight or what that noise is as the dryer spins her clean clothes round and round.  I get paid to focus and breathe and maintain my peace and allow Love to flow through me while I care for this woman who lives her life as a human being in a different way than she used to live her life.  She was a writer and a social organizer.  A celebrated and award winning volunteer for the very senior community she now lives in with her twenty-four-seven caregivers.  

It works out as a beautiful story for me and my family.  The wages I am paid to care for her allow us to have a safe, reliable vehicle to drive around.  Because she can’t remember what day it is and occasionally tips over on her feet, I was able to secure a loan to pay for my car.

Who am I to say what is sad or wrong in the world?

Hot cup of tea

  Hot cup of tea.  Feels like luxury.  Nourishing.

I have had warm tea and it is good, but a hot cup of tea feels luxurious.  

I took the time to make a space in my day that allows the hot cup of tea to be savored, enjoyed, sipped while sitting down,

Gazing out the window at the early morning light decorating a winter sky.  

Hot cup of tea.  

You are not something my body needs, like my mouth needs a good brushing in the morning, to feel good.  

You, my hotness, you are something I want.  I want to lavish myself with Love early in the morning and this hot cup of tea

fills that desire.  

Pick the place, seat cushions, coaster, pen and notebook or chair at table with computer, good lighting,

Oooohhhhh a candle!  

Yes, hot cup of tea wants a candle to partner in providing lavish luxury to this particular beautiful woman.

Yes, sitting in the morning quiet house with a candle flickering against the cup of hot tea in my hand.  

I am loved. 

  There is perfection.  

It is my choice.  

ticking clock

  The ticking of a clock 

Wind chimes singing in a gentle breeze

Leaves moving in the wind, 

calling down to me from their place so high up, 

branches reaching towards the sky. 

The sky

bright brilliant BLUE filling my eyes,

broken only by white pure puffy clouds 

that hang and float

as if they own the expanse of sky that holds them. 

Bright pure white against deep, penetrating blue. 

The branches rattle their leaves calling my eyes up

 to drink in the vast blue love that shines down 

On me, 

way down here on the ground,

 on the earth.  

This magnificent earth that holds me, 

supporting my feet as I walk across a little piece of her.  

Walking across the yard to the barn

 my feet carry me across the earth, 

who holds the barn and the cows as we all are covered 

by the loving blanket of the sky.  

Sitting in the quiet morning house, 

listening to a ticking clock, 

hearing wind move chimes to create beautiful music 

that fills up a space so well, 

a space that reaches hungrily,

accepting beauty as all it will ever need.  

homeschool

 Mateo and I had skool together 3 days this week and 3 days last week.  It feels grounding and intimate when we have skool.  A nice routine has developed.  After morning milking, when I’m done with the straining and washing, I head upstairs to the farm house kitchen.  Mateo is usually playing with Eli and Eammon in the house somewhere.  Mateo gently resists being interrupted from his friends, but does come and sit at the table for breakfast.  This morning he had a baked potato with loads of butter and a bit of salt, and a whole onion cooked well in butter and salt.  I sit next to him, drink tea with milk, and color with crayons.  I love coloring with crayons.  There are usually 2 to 4 kids of various ages wandering around and Laura and Jim are in and out of the kitchen.  It’s a crowded, chaotic, pleasant environment.  

     Wash some dishes then walk across the property together out to the little red cabin and up the stairs to our space in the trees.  Mateo plays with toys while I make the beds.  Today I sat in our skool space and read while he worked on a lego project.  I like him to initiate our skool time because then the experience is smooth and pleasant and it feels good knowing that he joins under his own will forces.  He came and sat next to me and the candle was lit, which has always been our routine to indicate that skool time has begun.

     Mateo goes first, sharing out loud at least 3 things that he appreciates.  Today he says, “ball, all my legos, Doug (a stuffed dragon), and Eli”.  Then it’s my turn to share what I appreciate and this feels good to go inside to stillness and bask in the abundance of my life.  Today as usual, among other things, I name Mateo and his joy, enthusiasm and willingness to explore our world.  I close with “Namaste”, open my eyes and sit peacefully.  Mateo goes to the music basket and brings back the tin whistle, recorder, and music books.  I love that I just sit there quietly and he goes to get the music supplies.  It feels good to imagine he’s doing what he wants to do, under his own power, no words required.  Seems like I’m doing a good job at this homeschool stuff if my kid is willingly participating.  I want to do a good job.  It’s all about balance.  Right now as I’m writing this at 7:30 at night, he’s on the couch watching Eli play a video game that involves machine gun fire and vehicles chasing each other.  Earlier today, after skool and lunch, Mateo and Eli and little brother Eammond were outside chasing each other, running around the property in the beautiful fall weather.  I am comfortable with the balance in his life.

Mateo plays the song he ended with yesterday, London Bridges, on the tin flute.  He has good control of the tone at times and can finger the notes well.  He switches to the recorder then for Old McDonald, this instrument being easier to make sound pleasant.  I’m just so happy that he tries and he’s learning to read and play music and we’ve had music every day as part of his skool for years now, so maybe it will be normal for him and just easy and part of his life.  For my turn I play Twinkle Twinkle Little Star on the recorder, which has improved since yesterday when I first tried the song.  I like him to see me learning and trying right along with him.  Learning to play the recorder is hard and pushes my boundaries and that’s what I want for him, to be able to do the thing that can be hard but so rewarding.  Hearing a familiar song come out of an instrument in my hands is amazing and I know Mateo can feel that energy.  Homeschooling is an atmosphere and I appreciate a partner like Mateo in creating such an intimate experience.  

Music stops easily, when he’s had enough.  I’m so glad he plays well, really tries a few songs, and then moves on to the next topic, movement.  I like him to stop before it gets yucky, so playing music remains fun and there’s ease in it.  For movement he hasn’t done head stands and hand stands since coming here.  Somehow we have switched to juggling, which for now just involves a lot of playing catch with his ball and the juggling balls.  In between throws to each other, we practice tossing the ball up and catching it with the opposite hand.  His toss has improved greatly going from wild and difficult to catch, to more controlled and easy.  He loves playing catch and I get bored quickly but play along because it’s nice to see him having fun and enjoying skool.  Learning to juggle is hard and he has resisted at times, but responds well to encouragement and my not giving in.  Again, I want him to push through things that are difficult, like learning to juggle, because it seems like his confidence will grow and that is so important for a nice life.  

Math is next and he eats 2 clementines while I read the Fred book, chapter 6 today.  “Life of Fred” math books are SO FUN and smart and we both love them, being in our 3rd book in the series which goes all the way into college calculus.  The books encourage kids to think, to listen, and to pay attention to details.  And they’re silly and funny and creative.  It was just a casual conversation at homeshcool gym one day back in January with a mom I was meeting for the first time and then never saw again.  She mentioned these books and what they were like and I got the first one in the series from our library.  Mateo did two chapters a day for that first book because he couldn’t get enough.  What a gift of a conversation, I’m so glad I was able to receive what she shared.  

Also this week we added a Sudoku puzzle.  I really enjoy these puzzles and it seems like Mateo can practice important skills by solving these.  Most importantly, he enjoys them a lot and I have to stop him every day so we can move on to the next topic.  I like to leave him hungry for more and keep things moving along so skool doesn’t take up too much of our day.  I always mention that he can do more on his own time, or we can do more together after the candle is blown out.  It’s important to me that we get all the topics completed before he gets tired and loses focus, and before I get tired also.  

Last there is art, which usually involves drawing.  Sometimes we paint but today for the 3rd day he’s drawing from a book on Perspective.  He’s practicing drawing 3 dimensional shapes like cubes.  Then he decorates them, which I love.  He tries hard and draws something technical, then throws in some color and a spider web.  His spirit is so gorgeous.  His mind is so sharp.  I just love spending time with him.  Today I draw an elephant and some columns behind and in front of her, copying an idea from a book on the Bhagadvad Gita.  He likes my elephant except for the eye which doesn’t look right.  I add eye lashes and he laughs at that.  We have a good time drawing together.  It was hard for me to learn to draw, to just look at a blank piece of paper and create something.  I’m glad he’s shared my energy of going beyond my comfort zone and learning to draw.  I really enjoy it now…

We come back to the candle together, share things we appreciate, and close skool for the day.  Candle blown out and smoke floating up to the ceiling.  We did it!  Another full week, 3 days in a row.  I’m doing a good job.  My child enjoys homeschool and willingly participates.  Praise the Lord.  My heart is full.

A day in the life.

   Awoke easily just before 5am, after nearly 7 hours of restful sleep.  Stepped outside into the cool morning, bright shiny moon lights my 25 steps to the outhouse.  Have a nice, easy poo.  My body functions so well, it just makes everything quite pleasant.  Bit of a mental debate about staying awake and doing meditation, yoga routine.  Gently agreed with half myself to snuggle back into cozy bed and listen to Mateo breathe in his bed next to me.  Awoke again easily just one minute before alarm at 635am, feeling happy and light.  Wrote one page of appreciation by light of the solar lantern as Mateo softly stirred.  Said good morning and see you later to Mateo, then walked barefoot across the property to the house.  

Enter through the basement door, the “dairy”.  Put on socks and boots and turn stove on to heat my yarrow tea in my favorite pot from Katherine.  Put 13 glass 1/2 gallon jugs of milk from last evening’s milking in the milk fridge.  They rested overnight in coolers full of water and ice jugs.  Now put half melted ice jugs in 3 different freezers, taking fully frozen jugs out to place in coolers of water, ready to cool this morning’s milk jugs.  Say good morning to Laura as she sets up the milk machine about ten minutes to 8am and heads out to the milk barn.  Finish setting up the straining, as we call it.  Place 16 clean jugs on the stainless steel table, write a big W for Wednesday on each one.  Fix clean paper filter into funnel.  Pour myself a cup of hot tea and make sure the walkie talkie is turned on so I will hear when Laura calls to say “milk’s ready”.  

Mateo appears on the stairs, a bit surprised that the house is quiet and no one is awake.  He expresses appreciation that the house is cozy warm.  I agree and ask him why the house is warm.  His eyes light up and he heads out to the woodpile, seemingly happy that he remembered his daily chore of filling the small woodbox next to the kitchen cook stove.  I love sharing life with him.  I head out to the milk barn to hang out with Laura as she milks Honey, the pretty Jersey cow.  Carry about 2 1/2 gallons of milk in two milk pails back across the driveway to the basement and pour it through the filter funnel, filling jugs.  Wipe the openings clean and push a new plastic cap down tight until it clicks and seals.  Rinse jugs of spilled milk and place them in the waiting coolers.  Listen for the walkie talkie call, perfect timing as the last jug goes in, time to take two empty milk pails back out to the barn for Yosheemay’s milk.  

more later...