How would you like to proceed...?
Let me know how you want to proceed.
Really good question. Thank you for asking. How would I like to proceed? So many answers have floated through my mind and heart. Trying to sort out the fluff and settle in to some truth. How do I want to proceed?
I want to engage with life giving people. I want to release toxic people from my life. Engaging in legal negotiations to trade money for land ownership with a toxic person and his enablers feels gross. Allowing myself to be pulled along his road of legal language and selling land in order to obtain enough money to buy my name off the deed of 120 acres feels yucky. Sitting back in my comfortable life up north, ignoring him, declining to engage with the game of lawyer paperwork and his enabling family members and friends, that feels safe and easy.
If I accept the pitifully small amount of money they are "offering" me to remove my name from the deed, giving up legal claim to 120 acres, what then? I have sold my soul for an embarrassingly tiny chunk of money that no doubt will have taken months of legal back and forth torture to obtain. And then, when he dies, his adult children will sell the land to the Amish neighbors, for a HUGE chunk of money.
If I do nothing, if I proceed with silence and my name quietly, legally sitting on the deed which is registered at the County Courthouse, then when he dies, I can sell the land to the Amish neighbors for a HUGE chunk of money.
Seems so simple from some angles. There are a lot of variables, there are many different angles to explore. What I know for sure is that I don't like legal paperwork, I don't want to interact with a lawyer who is retaining him as a client. I don't want to enable him in his unhealthy behaviors. I don't want to interact with his passive, cowardly, superficial, shallow, enabling daughter. I know that for sure. So if I proceed with silence, I get what I want. Peace.
Also, what I want is to call out some humans that are enabling a man in his unhealthy behavior. I used to enable this guy, what if someone had called me out? I don't know if it would have made a difference. What I know for sure is that I don't have any regrets. God was with me the whole time and as I chose to see my enabling and then stop, I claimed freedom. So maybe by calling someone out, she might have her eyes opened and claim freedom for herself. Maybe by calling someone out, he might be reached and begin to heal and then my child could develop a relationship with a human that is consciously, intentionally moving towards balance...
Grace, what do you know about a clinical description for your dad's behavior? Do you think there is one and if so, do you imagine that your behavior could be enabling him in his unhealthy life?
At "Domestic Harmony", I was counseled for the emotional and financial abuse that your father offered me daily. What does your mother say about you engaging with your father and playing his game of legal negotiations to "get Kari's name off the deed"? What do you hope to achieve by interacting with him? What does Hannah say about the energy you are putting into dealing with him and his lawyer?
What do you know about your Father's friend Gracie and her daughter Julie Mae?
Here is a text message I received from her back in October:
"you have abandon a property -- which is illegal.
Take a child away from their father without consent -- illegal.
You have made threats against peoples lives -- illegal.
What you are doing to Miguel is extortion, elderly abuse and straight up theft ... taking all the money from the cows -- from his herd.
You are out of line and I hope you step foot back in hillsdale county.
I pray for Mateo's safety. If he had a SS# I would already called the cops & so would many others. You are not in control here. "
Grace, I want the above communication out in the open so you at least have the option of knowing some truth about your father and what he tells his "friends".
How do I want to proceed? Do nothing. I am going to live my happy life up north. When he dies, the land is mine. Done.
I hope you find some peace and dignity in your life. I hope your father finds some healing.
