pure child Love

      Again yesterday, there was a herd of children here on the farm playing with my child.  This life is so beautiful and I am filled with awe at the infinite creativity of the Universe to fulfill my heart beyond the tiny human imaginings of my mind.

Mateo and I have had “William Day” for nearly a year and a half.  Once a week the two of us drive   4 miles into town and fill the car with children to bring back to the farm.  With schools being cancelled we immediately increased to twice a week.  That first Monday of school closings, Mateo and I went to a church in Montgomery that was offering free lunches for public school children.  I went to see if I could help out and I brought Mateo to play with any children that might be there.  First we picked up William and his little sister Avrilanna, then headed to the church.  The kids were given a nice meal of spaghetti and garlic bread with an apple and cupcakes. We sat down and ate together. Then they hit the playground!  For an hour those kids showed me that Joy is the only thing that matters.  What ever ‘adult things’ might be happening in the world that could cause me worry are not important when there is a fresh playground to explore.  I was so grateful to those kids for the innocent reminder of what it really means to thrive as a human here on earth.  Eat together, play together, laugh and shout, run back inside for another cupcake, and then play some more.   

Mateo and I picked up two different children from a different house the next day and headed over to the church, filled with happy memories of the previous day.  I stood in shock and fear that quickly turned into anger, (which thank God I was able to recognize and channel into a kind statement of honesty) as the nice volunteers told me that today was carry-out lunch only.  We couldn’t eat together like we did yesterday.  Oh I was crushed.  The nice people at the church were trying to protect their “Certified Kitchen” License and they truly believed that the “State” had Inspectors out driving around and popping in Kitchens to try and bust people for sharing a meal together.  Oh I was devastated.  The new “Rules” being communicated were disheartening sure, but the regular peoples’ fear and strict adherence to these “Rules” crushed me way more.  I certainly was not listening to anything that had been “going on”.  The only bits that had reached my ears had come from people telling me what they themselves had chosen to hear or read.  I had trimmed down my “follow” list on Facebook so I could only see the friends that were posting things that I thought were funny.  So I’m only following about 7 people right now.  Anyway, I was actively choosing to let “this” all affect me very little and it was crushing to see these kind church volunteers bend so easily just to protect some kitchen license.  I guess maybe they believed is was “safer” not to eat together, which again, I completely do not subscribe to any of that.  I have not participated in the “Germ Theory” for almost 10 years and one could read a previous ‘blog’ offering about that specific topic if interested.  It is a Religion and I am NOT a believer.

But ok, we are here at the church so let’s load up with food that is generously and kindly offered to us.  Morgan and her brother Xavier got their Mac n Cheese, chips, apple, and a cookie and then came back to the farm and we ate together there.  They stayed until evening and then I took them home to their unfortunate apartment with few windows and a front door that opens onto an alley way.  We had spent a nice day together.  That was the FROG day, the first day of spring that I heard the frogs singing to my heart and filling it with Love, the kind of Love that drives away fear and confusion.  Mateo and Morgan and I walked out to the pasture and stood by the ditch to listen.  We built a little bridge across the ditch and then sat on the other side which was the high, berm side, so was dry.  Yes.  That turned into a glorious day.  

The free lunches are still happening and we have been back many times.  Yesterday Mateo and I got four lunches to go and then went in to Camden to see who wanted to spend the day at the farm.  We picked up Morgan, Blake, and Alexis.  These three children come from 3 different families, 3 separate households.  It was wonderful to find so many friends that were not the least bit concerned with what is “going on” in our society.  Alexis was new to the group and I met her mom for the first time as her child climbed into my car.  The kids all know each other and where every body lives so I just drive around as they direct me to their friends’ houses.  I love it.  I fantasize about driving an extra long church bus with bench seats and filling it up with children to bring back to the farm.  Oh the glory of it all.  

So that’s how my life has been lately.  We’ve almost finished two weeks of school closings and our social life has improved greatly.  The kids talk about mud on their shoes and playing hide and seek.  They swoon over horses and cows and dogs.  They are my great teachers.  I might suggest that you go find some children to play with and allow yourself to remember that All is Well.

Yes to that

Why my life is perfect and beautiful.  The bright spring sunshine warms my back while I use loppers to clear a trail through the woods.  New friends and the farm partner are harvesting fire wood nearby.  The dog races toward us, long tongue lolling out the side of her mouth, fur wet with swamp water, she continues across the path and crashes into dense brush chasing a bunny, or a scent, or maybe just having tons of dog fun.  Amidst the sound of crunching leaves I hear “mama!  I’m pooping!”  Yes to that.  All of it.  I love it that my child poops, easily, every day, at least once.  Excellent indicator of robust physical health.  I love that in his 4 1/2 years on planet earth, he has become comfortable pooping outside, and prefers it.

One of my growing moments happened with and through my friend Christy.  I believe the Universe frequently uses other humans to help us learn and grow.  My friend Christy will always hold a special place in my heart as the one who released me from a prison and set me Free in a specific area of my life.  Fifteen years after the event I still marvel at the joy of a simple question that meant nothing to her and yet changed my whole life.  Christy and I were new roommates and we worked together at the hospital.  Driving home together one morning after a night shift, Christy casually asked me to pull in to the drugstore so she could pick something up.  At that time in our friendship, I was a bit scared of Christy.  I felt intimidated by her, I found her very attractive on many levels, and I desperately wanted her to like me even though my own low self love made that seem impossible.  When I heard her request to make a quick stop on the way home from work, something deep inside me clicked and then happily released, floating away like dandelion fluff.  A whole new experience of Freedom had opened and I was now a different human being.  Everything about her request was Truth.  She spoke from a place of absolute Truth.  Christy’s truth, where she lived because of what she had experienced in life, was that friends work together.  Friends live in Community every day of their lives.  She held me as a friend at that point and treated me like one of her tribe.  I knew in that moment that she would do anything for me and she easily expected that I would do anything for her.  Asking to stop the car while she ran in the store was not putting anyone out, it was what friends do for each other.  Friends cannot put each other out, they’re friends.  They live in Community, not by sharing an apartment, but by holding each other as dear and equal and always believing the best about the other.  Friends in Community are not suspicious of the other’s motives and when there is any question it is never taken personal but discussed from a place of Love and support.  Its about loyalty.  

My young human experience had been one of suspicion.  I had grown up in an atmosphere of suspicion.  That was my truth up to the moment Christy’s question set me Free.  I grew up knowing that I wanted to help everyone else and that I would not ask for or accept help from anyone.  If I helped others then they sort of owed me, I was somehow above them, they needed me.  There was no equality and I was isolated, alone.  If I asked for or accepted help from someone, then I was vulnerable.  I never felt safe.  

The other day something happened here in my house that brought all this out again so clearly.  Documents needed to be shared with my Realtor for the sale of the little yellow house in Ann Arbor.  I assumed they needed to be photocopied on a machine at 25 cents a page and then mailed via the post office.  Something inside me made me ask my Realtor to help pay for it.  She was kind and agreed to do that, and then she suggested the idea of taking pictures of the documents with a phone and just sending them in a text message.  Oh!  That’s a good idea, I have seen people do this magic trick with their electronic devices.  However, I do not have a device with that capability.  My lovely, mothering Realtor gently asked, “well Kari, do you have a friend with a phone that will do this for you?”   Yes!  Yes, I do have friends.  I live in Community with humans.  Yes, I can ask someone to help me and that feels so good and they will be more than happy to help, its no big deal for them and they will think its cute that I need help with something so simple.  There happened to be two new friends planning to arrive that same evening and they agreed to send the documents upon their arrival.  Here’s the part that helped me see where I used to live, what truth used to rule my life.  The farm partner heard all these conversations and making of plans.  Twice, he suggested that the documents could be photographed with my camera, transferred to the computer and then sent in an e-mail.  Twice he suggested this, even though none of this was directly relevant to him. When he heard that I was going to ask for help, with something totally unrelated to the farm and him, it made him so uncomfortable that he twice suggested it be done alone and in a way that was new and so would require much figuring out and yucky technology stuff that he himself is totally incapable of executing.   Both times I agreed that yes, that may work, and, I do not want to do that.  I know for sure that it is a simple task for someone with one of these fancy phones, and I am comfortable asking for help.  Because I LIVE in COMMUNITY.  

Living in Community is a mindset.  It is a paradigm to view the world through.  I did not understand that until farm partner helped me see that he does not live in Community. I can see clearly that I continue to live in Community with him, even though he does not live in Community with me.  No one can stop me from living in Community.  Amazing!  Fantastic!  Yes to that. 

 That moment in the car with my friend Christy was the beginning of my Freedom and the warm welcoming into Human Beingness.   

sleep

     Over the past 6 months or so, my body has regulated into a routine.  It feels like my body is treating me better in response to how I have started treating it better.  We feel like friends.  Pastor John at my home church has mentioned that he made a rule for himself sometime ago.  No food after 6 pm.  He lost a bunch of weight that he needed to lose, and he feels a lot better.  I also read in one of the Waldorf Homeschool books about the human body’s natural rhythm.  This is information that seems obvious and I probably learned about it somewhere in my four years of Nursing School, but for the first time it really clicked.  Our precious bodies function best on a rhythm of digesting the fuel we give them during the day, then repairing themselves during the night.  If the body is given a bunch of fuel just before sleep, (sitting in the yellow chair eating a big bowl of ice-cream and some chocolate while reading a novel) then it spends energy digesting when it is meant to be repairing and restoring.  So I tried it.  No food after 6 pm.  I cherish good sleep and it has been illusive for me most of my life.  I have slept well enough times that I strongly desire to experience it more often.  It worked.

I can easily expect my nights to go as such:  get into the comfortable bed that was made early this morning together by me and the child.  Read him a book or two then lights out.  I get up with my solar powered flashlight to check the wood stove one last time and maybe go potty again.  It is just before 9 pm, dark outside.  Back into bed to snuggle with the child and listen to his breathing change as he easily falls into his consistent, deep sleep.  Turn over onto my left side and fall asleep easily, repeating the Sat Nam mantra with my breath as necessary to calm the mind of any lingering thoughts.  Awaken from a restful sleep around 1 am and receive the generous prompt to get up and feed the stove some wood.  My waking is always at the perfect time for the fire.  It burned as long as it could to keep us warm, I got the longest chunk of sleep possible, and there are just the perfect amount of coals remaining to catch a new log on fire easily and quickly, allowing me to crawl back into bed and relax in the knowledge that the stove will continue to heat the house for the remaining dark hours.  

In the warm house, snuggled up to the peaceful child, I easily fall back into sleep after a few rounds of thoughts that are quieted by the Sat Nam breath mantra.  After a second chunk of restful sleep, I gently awaken around 5 am, feeling restored and mildly ready to slowly start the day.  What gets me out of bed is the stove needing wood and what keeps me out are the memories of what its like to crawl back in bed.  It seemed good but 99% of the time I would fight to fall asleep and then experience yucky, strong emotional dreams that left me feeling gross when I finally got up.  I trust my body.  When it wakes up like that around 5 am after a restful night’s sleep, it is ready to get up and be awake.  And 99% of the time it just takes 1 or 2 minutes of being vertical for the day to move towards appreciation for the quiet time by myself and for the beautiful sleep I just experienced.  This is the time that I write.

No food after 6 pm was part of what developed this lovely routine and there were many other factors.  Not eating after 6 pm was a huge emotional adjustment for me and shows how much my inner spiritual life has aligned with Love.  I could not have done it with out help from Universal Love.  I don’t even want to describe what I used food for and how eating before bed ruled my life.  There’s no need to delve back into all that pain.  

I write this from a place of complete amazement.  I am astonished that this is my life.  For so many years I have desperately wanted to get up early, I knew it was what my body wanted and asked for.  Now it is happening.  Easily.  After a restful sleep, I am getting up and embracing the day with joy and Love.  Who’s life is this?  I stand in awe of God’s goodness and I am filled with hope for how my life will continue to improve and become even more fulfilling and comfortable.  This is, as they say, an answered prayer.  I desperately called out for what I wanted and now I have it.  I feel Loved and taken care of, special, like I am good enough to be Loved.  

A dear friend wrote recently and asked how I was doing.  With all the society’s strange changes that have happened recently I felt inspired to write about good sleep.  I feel that our current society is dissolving and we are living through some dramatic changes.  I feel like I have a lot to offer my fellow humans because I have steered my life towards the most human things that cannot be touched by ‘regulations’.  I am a human being and I sleep well.  

There is great Love for you here. 

unedited ramble

Living in Community

Community came to me Friday evening.  I have been begging God to take me away from here to a community.  I want to live in community.  Why does God keep me here all isolated?  When will God move me to Community?  I don’t even know what community means.  It means not living with one other person that drives me crazy.  It means living with many other people that have also made the conscious, intentional choice to share their life with other humans.  

Community means staying in my own business.  Observing my thoughts and keeping my mouth closed.  Staying intensely conscious.  Living in community is practice.  The best spiritual practice so far for me.  And so rewarding.  

Yesterday morning.  Mornings are a sacred time for me.  I see how the tone and events of the morning can affect the entire day.  I can have a really great day by spending some intentional time first thing in the morning.  So yesterday I stayed content inside myself and watched what happened with the children.  The oldest child came out of his family sleeping room and joined the community space.  He offered a short, sincere story and I listened with a loving heart and the intention of staying inwardly focused, not to engage him.  He seemed content and became happily engaged in a book of funny stories at the table.  Twice he offered appreciation for the candle burning on the table near him, it was very pleasant to have someone sharing appreciation so early in the morning.  The child that lives here all the time then joined the community space.  We hugged and looked at spiritual art cards together in the beautiful morning light by the sliding glass door.  After a bit he wandered over to the table and quietly joined the child to look at the funny stories.  They soon had a gentle, friendly banter flowing.   Another child joined the common space and found her place easily in the peaceful environment.  Then the last child joined and melted into the kind circle of friends that had miraculously formed in my home.  So grateful.  Heart bursting with appreciation.  I love that my child gets to experience community living.  Waking up and sharing space with other humans.  I am satisfied with our life and I love to experience something new.  Having this family here for the weekend gives me a whole new perspective on everything.  On all the tiny details of my life.

It helps me see that I love my life, I love my house.  I love to share the space where we live.  I feel proud and honored to live here and to offer it as a gift to share with someone.  I love the toys we have.  I love the dishes and vessels we have, the spoons and labels.  Katherine is such a huge part of our life everyday.  That’s one of the things I love about sharing our space with someone.  When its people from the tribe, people that are beginning conscious, they all generally express sincere appreciation for material things in our home.  Not from a place of lack, but from a place of abundance, just appreciating the obvious beauty and functionality of the piece.  What they are focused on is almost always a piece from Katherine.  The love that swells up in my heart is The Love.  Its pure and whole.  Its Joy.  Every time.  Faithful and Steadfast, all those words I’m becoming familiar with in the Bible.  After they express their uncontainable appreciation, I then get to Joyfully declare, “That’s Katherine’s”!  Oh I yearn for the words to describe the Love and Joy in those words.  They are pure, whole, eternal.  Katherine left her physical body and returned to source, she is my direct access to God, to Universal, to Clarity and Love, Peace and Truth.  That’s where my dad is now also.  An old neuro pathway was activated and offered the thought, “well, I’d rather have my friend Katherine than all her lovely material possessions”.  And right away I can see that is not true.  What liberation.  What Freedom!  To sincerely embrace the moment, the reality of what is and find peace, satisfaction, unwavering Joy and deep contentment.  I DO have my friend Katherine.  She is with me every moment.  We are all one, we are all connected and she lives in my heart.  I am quite practiced at communicating with her in my heart because that is my only option.  We used to communicate over the phone, e-mail, and home visits.  That’s when I learned of her heart communications with her ‘dead’ husband Garrick.  She openly shared how they shared time together, what was discussed, how it made her feel.  She was grateful to me as a friend because she could speak openly of her relationship with her beloved that continued even after his physical body had ceased to hold him.  I was fascinated and humbled by her honesty about something that was so totally different from everything I had been taught about what it means to be human.  

I knew she was right.  I knew it in my gut, like I see the sun rise every morning in the east.  I see it with my own eyes, its true.  I love noticing how things feel and being able to know when something is true, when its right.  What a gift to know when something comes from Love.  To know that I can count on that.  I can rest in that.  A year ago I was working on a project out in the pasture and I wanted help.  I began calling on my dad in my heart.  It flowed.  I had so many questions about how to build this fence for my camper.  He was right there with me when ever I called on him and we worked it out together.  At the time he was in his physical body living in Florida with his wife.  And, part of him lives in Love, in Universal, just like part of me lives there too.  That’s what it means to say we’re all connected.  Each human is only partially expressed in their physical body.  The other part remains expressed as the non-physical Universal Love.  The oneness, the Universal Vibration.  We’re all there vibrating together and little pinches get stretched and pulled out like thick, gooey taffy and end up physically manifested in a human body.  Each human still has the long, sticky taffy strands reaching back to Universal Love, they are still fully connected to whence they came.  So here on Earth the physical part of my building the fence wanted help and so I went into my heart and traveled the gooey taffy back to the Source, the primary lump of taffy to speak to Dad.  I could feel his voice in my heart clearly.  I received guidance from the Universe and it was in the voice of Dad because that’s what worked for me.  That felt good to me.  That’s what I was able to hear.  Now that he has left his physical body and returned to the Source not very much has changed for me.  I am still able to access him, to communicate with him, to spend time together, to bask in the Love and Joy where he now completely resides.

This morning I am having tea with Katherine and Jessica.  The good Lord got me up before 5am and I am loving myself well.  Amen.  

Joy - bask in joy

I feel awesome.  I woke up feeling awesome, clear headed, ease in my heart, content, optimistic.  YAY!  This is what I want every day.  I jogged over a mile yesterday in heavy mud that was sucking the shoes off my feet.  Maybe that is why I feel so good.  Why I jogged like that is a whole different story, but I may try jogging again today and see how I feel tomorrow morning.

In many ways, my life is a dream come true.  I had a herd of children in my home yesterday playing with my child.  Then they wanted to go for a walk.  I stood at the front door and handed out hats, gloves, and boots until everyone was dressed properly for the windy, wet, chilly spring day.  I am so glad they wanted to go for a walk and that here, that means walking down the lane, through the great swamp woods, and across the pasture.  No cars or pavement like where I will take them home too later.  I am so glad this house has baskets full of extra gear to keep friends warm.  I am so glad that William knows where to find scissors and string and he can just go and get supplies to satisfy his creative urges.  I love listening to the two older children examining paper money and coins they found in my child’s toy purse.  William asked me if it was ‘real’ money or play money.  I told him it was real and it was from other countries, Jamaica and Guatemala, coins from Canada.  He and his sister Sharon were completely fascinated and it was so satisfying to listen to them dream and imagine while studying the beautiful artwork on the bills.  I love that when I am on the phone and one of the kids comes up to me with a question, it just takes one wave of my hand with a serious look to tell them ‘not now’, and they just walk away.  They know I am serious, they respect me and most importantly, they trust me.  They believe that when I say no, I mean it.  It feels good to trust people.  Kids need to trust adults.  They also know that when they ask me for something they want and I say yes, I mean it, and they get really excited and then are not disappointed later.  I love following through and doing what I say, and having clear, honest communication with other humans.  I love being that adult they can trust.  

I love being 45 years old and having accumulated some knowledge and life experience that can benefit other humans.  The most important thing I have developed is an intimate, dynamic relationship with God.   I am learning to listen and be lead.  I was speaking with a new friend on the phone about her desire to start producing food for her family.  This is a topic that I absolutely Love and so find it easy to be connected to God and speaking from that secret, special place that flows so well.  I hold very specific ideas about stewarding land and living in relationship with animals.  I will happily tell someone when they ask, what I think they should do.  And I will also tell them that their primary goal needs to be following their own heart.  That involves going inside themselves and digging around to find out what they really want.  One must discover one’s heart in order to follow it.  Following ideas from a book or a website will only work so well if those ideas go against one’s true desires.  Those intellectually learned ideas will not function well unless the person using them has their whole heart invested along with their mind.  Stewarding land and animals is a big deal.  It is a piece of our planet and mama earth ultimately demands the respect that can only come from one’s heart.

So my friend explained her current state of being very knowledgeable from all the research she has done and also totally lacking direction.  There is a huge variety of options for a land steward to consider.  It felt so good to confidently tell her that she was in a good position now because her direction could only come from inside herself.  She had been wise enough to do the research and then sit with it, instead of desperately latching on to one of the ideas.  What do you want?  Do you want to get a tractor, disc and drag, soil test, add lime and potash?  Would that be satisfying for you?  If so, then yes, do that. (Even though that is NOT what I would personally do.)  She said clearly, “What I want, is animals tomorrow”.  OH YES!  Then do that!  Her statement was so clear and her desire was obvious.  That was her only option.  And thank God for me, as her friend, it was exactly the answer that goes along with my own land steward beliefs.  Yes.  What you need are fences, one or two animals, and a chair.  Sit back and watch.  Mama earth will handle everything.  Especially because as you said, you are planning to live there ‘forever’.  Your investment is one of Faith.  Of knowing and believing who your mother is and what she is capable of.  Live what you believe dear friend.  Let your children see you trust the earth.  

Each human needs to decide what they want.  Dream big and find out what you really want.  Then go after it.  Your beliefs are the only ’SHOULD’ in this game.  You SHOULD do what you believe and follow what you personally hold dear.  It will work out for you.  And you will build your integrity.  Even if things turn out different than you expected, at least you were following your heart and now you know.  Now you have new information and can adjust your desires and now follow your heart from your new perspective.  

I love you all.  

living in community.

Living in community

  I intend to live well in community by “…taking heed and keeping watch on myself according to God’s Love, conforming my life to God’s Love”.  (Psalm 119: 9)

This is one prayer for living in community:   “I am God’s servant; give me understanding that I may be familiar with the character of Your Love”  (Psalm 119:125)

Rachel Naomi Remen:  “ Service is an experience of mystery, surrender, and awe.  A server knows that she is being used and has a willingness to be used in the service of something greater, something essentially unknown.  Fixing and helping are very particular and specific.  We fix and help many different things in our lifetimes, but when we serve we are always serving the same thing.  Everyone who has ever served through the history of time serves the same thing.  We are servers of the wholeness and mystery in life.”

That is how I want to live every day of my life.  A long time ago I noticed that it felt uncomfortable to say to my partner, “thanks for doing the dishes” or “thanks for filling the wood box”.  It felt off, like he had performed those tasks for me.  It implied some sort of hierarchy.  Yet I wanted to express appreciation, because that always feels good.  So I started saying “I appreciate that the dishes are done” and “ I appreciate that the wood box is full for the night”.  Yes.  That feels different and I have peace about that.  

     As I eagerly await visiting an intentional community with the intention of joining, it has been inspiring to imagine and fantasize about life there.  Having my heart in the right place, having my heart in Love, is the only way to live in community, to encounter all those new humans.  Really it is the only way to live every day, regardless of where I am or who I am with.  That is the beauty of trying something new, before it even physically manifests it begins to influence my life and inspire more Love and understanding, new expansion of ideas.  

Sugar

     Early spring, the redwing blackbirds are back here with us, calling.  Sap is flowing.  Break the twig of a box elder tree growing along the lane.  Next morning on the walk out to get the cows, check the twig and see the frozen drop of sap hanging, calling to you, “tap the trees”.  

     Out to the woods with drill and hammer.  Thirty - five maple trees accept a fresh hole to share their sap with the grateful humans.  Trees are generous and resilient, the hole from last year’s harvest nearly healed over.  Spiles tapped into trees, pails hung on spiles, lids placed on pails and hearts expectant for this season’s offering.  What will we get?  How much sugar will we make?  We will take whatever is offered.  There is still sugar available from last year’s harvest.  

     Weather plays along with this dance.  Choose a day with wind from the South to boil sap in the woods.  She takes the smoke and steam away  into the trees, opening the mouth of the fire.  Our eyes and lungs stay clear while feeding the fire.  Sap flowed well the day before and was collected into five gallon cans and buckets, waiting for the south wind and skies with no rain.   Sap pan set across fire pit, resting on rocks black with the fires of past boils.  Fire created and sap poured into pans, it begins.  Many glorious hours in the woods.  Nothing else I would rather be doing.  Humbled and awed at the abundance offered.  Humbled again at the skills used to receive the harvest.  This is the life that has called to me from ancient places.  I have come home.  

As fire grows, consuming dry wood offered by this amazing place, sap accepts the heat and begins to dance in the pans, bubbles rolling and popping, foam sliding around to the rhythm of the flames.  Add more sap and the dance slows to catch her breath, add more wood and the bubbling dance returns, refreshed and alive.  Boil one hundred gallons of sap on this day.  Each boil amount depends entirely on what the trees offer and on what the humans collect.  Feel the affirming human experience of listening to the earth and allowing her to dictate the day’s activity.  Walk to each maple tree that holds a pail and empty her gift into a bucket.  Carry two buckets around in the woods, growing heavier with sap from each tree.  Feet are bare and tender, first time to touch their mother after a long winter spent inside socks and boots.  Walk slowly and savor each crunch of leaves and snap of twig.  Again, I have returned home.  

Clear sap boils down to darker and darker, sweeter and sweeter syrup.  Sun moving across the sky, time to leave the woods and return to warm house where wood fire cook stove eagerly awaits her turn at boiling.  One human on each end of awkward, hot pan, it slides over rocks onto log and tips with one side resting on the ground.  Hot sap dipped out and into cans for transport across pastures and up the lane.  Collected from the pond nearby, four buckets of water quiet the fire and put our hearts at ease as the woods continues in peace and beauty.  Around fifteen gallons of syrup rides on the electric buggy and is carried into the house.  In three pots and two crocks the sweet liquid will bubble and steam all evening, all night, and most of the next day.  In the middle of the night I rise to add wood to the fire and sap to the emptying pots.  The house is wet, water dripping down the windows and walls.  Sweet smell of sugar feels so good.

Sometime in the evening one of the pots is close to sugar.  Its been boiled and stirred lovingly all day.  The hot goo rises up the sides of the pot and is stirred back down.  It rises up again, bubbles popping and spitting, and is stirred back down.  Up and down one thousand times it releases water into the air until finally it cries ENOUGH!  Remove me from this heat and I will granulate.  Stir this massive puddle of thick, dark goo and watch it change into tiny bits of the sweetest sand.  Sugar.  Where there used to be clear sap from trees in the woods.  Now there is a huge bowl of sugar on our table.    Aaahhhh the wonder and glory of it all… 

( Its lovely how a place and a people can inspire across distance and time.  )