I feel awesome. I woke up feeling awesome, clear headed, ease in my heart, content, optimistic. YAY! This is what I want every day. I jogged over a mile yesterday in heavy mud that was sucking the shoes off my feet. Maybe that is why I feel so good. Why I jogged like that is a whole different story, but I may try jogging again today and see how I feel tomorrow morning.
In many ways, my life is a dream come true. I had a herd of children in my home yesterday playing with my child. Then they wanted to go for a walk. I stood at the front door and handed out hats, gloves, and boots until everyone was dressed properly for the windy, wet, chilly spring day. I am so glad they wanted to go for a walk and that here, that means walking down the lane, through the great swamp woods, and across the pasture. No cars or pavement like where I will take them home too later. I am so glad this house has baskets full of extra gear to keep friends warm. I am so glad that William knows where to find scissors and string and he can just go and get supplies to satisfy his creative urges. I love listening to the two older children examining paper money and coins they found in my child’s toy purse. William asked me if it was ‘real’ money or play money. I told him it was real and it was from other countries, Jamaica and Guatemala, coins from Canada. He and his sister Sharon were completely fascinated and it was so satisfying to listen to them dream and imagine while studying the beautiful artwork on the bills. I love that when I am on the phone and one of the kids comes up to me with a question, it just takes one wave of my hand with a serious look to tell them ‘not now’, and they just walk away. They know I am serious, they respect me and most importantly, they trust me. They believe that when I say no, I mean it. It feels good to trust people. Kids need to trust adults. They also know that when they ask me for something they want and I say yes, I mean it, and they get really excited and then are not disappointed later. I love following through and doing what I say, and having clear, honest communication with other humans. I love being that adult they can trust.
I love being 45 years old and having accumulated some knowledge and life experience that can benefit other humans. The most important thing I have developed is an intimate, dynamic relationship with God. I am learning to listen and be lead. I was speaking with a new friend on the phone about her desire to start producing food for her family. This is a topic that I absolutely Love and so find it easy to be connected to God and speaking from that secret, special place that flows so well. I hold very specific ideas about stewarding land and living in relationship with animals. I will happily tell someone when they ask, what I think they should do. And I will also tell them that their primary goal needs to be following their own heart. That involves going inside themselves and digging around to find out what they really want. One must discover one’s heart in order to follow it. Following ideas from a book or a website will only work so well if those ideas go against one’s true desires. Those intellectually learned ideas will not function well unless the person using them has their whole heart invested along with their mind. Stewarding land and animals is a big deal. It is a piece of our planet and mama earth ultimately demands the respect that can only come from one’s heart.
So my friend explained her current state of being very knowledgeable from all the research she has done and also totally lacking direction. There is a huge variety of options for a land steward to consider. It felt so good to confidently tell her that she was in a good position now because her direction could only come from inside herself. She had been wise enough to do the research and then sit with it, instead of desperately latching on to one of the ideas. What do you want? Do you want to get a tractor, disc and drag, soil test, add lime and potash? Would that be satisfying for you? If so, then yes, do that. (Even though that is NOT what I would personally do.) She said clearly, “What I want, is animals tomorrow”. OH YES! Then do that! Her statement was so clear and her desire was obvious. That was her only option. And thank God for me, as her friend, it was exactly the answer that goes along with my own land steward beliefs. Yes. What you need are fences, one or two animals, and a chair. Sit back and watch. Mama earth will handle everything. Especially because as you said, you are planning to live there ‘forever’. Your investment is one of Faith. Of knowing and believing who your mother is and what she is capable of. Live what you believe dear friend. Let your children see you trust the earth.
Each human needs to decide what they want. Dream big and find out what you really want. Then go after it. Your beliefs are the only ’SHOULD’ in this game. You SHOULD do what you believe and follow what you personally hold dear. It will work out for you. And you will build your integrity. Even if things turn out different than you expected, at least you were following your heart and now you know. Now you have new information and can adjust your desires and now follow your heart from your new perspective.
I love you all.