Thursday, March 26, 2020

Yes to that

Why my life is perfect and beautiful.  The bright spring sunshine warms my back while I use loppers to clear a trail through the woods.  New friends and the farm partner are harvesting fire wood nearby.  The dog races toward us, long tongue lolling out the side of her mouth, fur wet with swamp water, she continues across the path and crashes into dense brush chasing a bunny, or a scent, or maybe just having tons of dog fun.  Amidst the sound of crunching leaves I hear “mama!  I’m pooping!”  Yes to that.  All of it.  I love it that my child poops, easily, every day, at least once.  Excellent indicator of robust physical health.  I love that in his 4 1/2 years on planet earth, he has become comfortable pooping outside, and prefers it.

One of my growing moments happened with and through my friend Christy.  I believe the Universe frequently uses other humans to help us learn and grow.  My friend Christy will always hold a special place in my heart as the one who released me from a prison and set me Free in a specific area of my life.  Fifteen years after the event I still marvel at the joy of a simple question that meant nothing to her and yet changed my whole life.  Christy and I were new roommates and we worked together at the hospital.  Driving home together one morning after a night shift, Christy casually asked me to pull in to the drugstore so she could pick something up.  At that time in our friendship, I was a bit scared of Christy.  I felt intimidated by her, I found her very attractive on many levels, and I desperately wanted her to like me even though my own low self love made that seem impossible.  When I heard her request to make a quick stop on the way home from work, something deep inside me clicked and then happily released, floating away like dandelion fluff.  A whole new experience of Freedom had opened and I was now a different human being.  Everything about her request was Truth.  She spoke from a place of absolute Truth.  Christy’s truth, where she lived because of what she had experienced in life, was that friends work together.  Friends live in Community every day of their lives.  She held me as a friend at that point and treated me like one of her tribe.  I knew in that moment that she would do anything for me and she easily expected that I would do anything for her.  Asking to stop the car while she ran in the store was not putting anyone out, it was what friends do for each other.  Friends cannot put each other out, they’re friends.  They live in Community, not by sharing an apartment, but by holding each other as dear and equal and always believing the best about the other.  Friends in Community are not suspicious of the other’s motives and when there is any question it is never taken personal but discussed from a place of Love and support.  Its about loyalty.  
My young human experience had been one of suspicion.  I had grown up in an atmosphere of suspicion.  That was my truth up to the moment Christy’s question set me Free.  I grew up knowing that I wanted to help everyone else and that I would not ask for or accept help from anyone.  If I helped others then they sort of owed me, I was somehow above them, they needed me.  There was no equality and I was isolated, alone.  If I asked for or accepted help from someone, then I was vulnerable.  I never felt safe.  
The other day something happened here in my house that brought all this out again so clearly.  Documents needed to be shared with my Realtor for the sale of the little yellow house in Ann Arbor.  I assumed they needed to be photocopied on a machine at 25 cents a page and then mailed via the post office.  Something inside me made me ask my Realtor to help pay for it.  She was kind and agreed to do that, and then she suggested the idea of taking pictures of the documents with a phone and just sending them in a text message.  Oh!  That’s a good idea, I have seen people do this magic trick with their electronic devices.  However, I do not have a device with that capability.  My lovely, mothering Realtor gently asked, “well Kari, do you have a friend with a phone that will do this for you?”   Yes!  Yes, I do have friends.  I live in Community with humans.  Yes, I can ask someone to help me and that feels so good and they will be more than happy to help, its no big deal for them and they will think its cute that I need help with something so simple.  There happened to be two new friends planning to arrive that same evening and they agreed to send the documents upon their arrival.  Here’s the part that helped me see where I used to live, what truth used to rule my life.  The farm partner heard all these conversations and making of plans.  Twice, he suggested that the documents could be photographed with my camera, transferred to the computer and then sent in an e-mail.  Twice he suggested this, even though none of this was directly relevant to him. When he heard that I was going to ask for help, with something totally unrelated to the farm and him, it made him so uncomfortable that he twice suggested it be done alone and in a way that was new and so would require much figuring out and yucky technology stuff that he himself is totally incapable of executing.   Both times I agreed that yes, that may work, and, I do not want to do that.  I know for sure that it is a simple task for someone with one of these fancy phones, and I am comfortable asking for help.  Because I LIVE in COMMUNITY.  
Living in Community is a mindset.  It is a paradigm to view the world through.  I did not understand that until farm partner helped me see that he does not live in Community. I can see clearly that I continue to live in Community with him, even though he does not live in Community with me.  No one can stop me from living in Community.  Amazing!  Fantastic!  Yes to that. 

 That moment in the car with my friend Christy was the beginning of my Freedom and the warm welcoming into Human Beingness.   

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