We have a lot of nice friends.

Our words are powerful and this is a practice of awareness.  In moments of awareness we can intentionally offer gentle phrases that create an environment of celebration and peace for the child to rest in.  Practicing our own awareness allows us to experience joy and fulfillment in nurturing a child.  

    “We have a lot of nice friends.” That phrase filled the empty space in the car as we drove away from a fantastic toddler-fun visit to Amber’s house.  We were both sad to leave and I was aware of the opportunity to focus on celebration.  

“We have a lot of nice friends.”   That phrase again filled the empty space that appeared in the house at the end of a wonderful, play-filled visit and our visitors returned to their home.  The empty space was sad and uncomfortable and it felt better to harvest the truth that the world remains Kind.  

Living and speaking about friendship supports the child’s natural understanding that they live in a Kind and Loving world.  Noticing the sadness at the end of a visit, while gently turning towards celebration of friends and fun times, encourages the child’s inherent belief and ever present Truth that they inhabit a world of Love and Generosity, Friendship and Abundance.  A young child hearing that phrase over and over will naturally experience and express their own friendship with the world.  “We have a lot of nice friends.”

Driving down the road at mid day I noticed a truck traveling the other direction with the lights blinking on and off.  Soon we saw two cars traveling slowly and unusually close together.  There was another vehicle in a driveway with pull straps laid out.  My son found all this intensely interesting and talked for the remainder of our trip about what might be happening.  He described what he saw as we moved around the slow cars, able now to see that one towed the other.  His ideas originated from a place of friendship and neighborliness.  He talked about how that was a three person job and he wondered if those people knew each other.  To him it was obvious that when you see a car on the side of the road, you stop and offer to help.  This was all lovely evidence of his supported, natural understanding that we live in a Kind and Loving world.  The young person was basking in his inherent belief and ever present Truth that we all inhabit a world of Love, Generosity, Friendship and Abundance. 

Aware of his river of celebration I jumped right in, describing the truck with its lights blinking on and off.  He had not noticed this and expressed more joy and celebration as I explained that communication tool between drivers.  The person driving that truck knew that oncoming traffic would need to slow down and my son was thrilled to discover even more friendship and kindness in this experience.

   “We have a lot of nice friends.”  And so does everyone else.

Why?

     A small child says, “Why?”.  

The focus of this practice is to enjoy your relationship with the child.   Enjoying your relationship comes from holding your integrity and honoring both yourself and the child.  

Prior to responding to a child’s, “Why?”, it can be helpful to evaluate your inner state.  If there is energy and focus available, a response to the “why” can flow out.  If your energy and focus are being used for a specific task, like packing up to leave the house, a verbal response is not necessary.  In this case the child’s “Why?” can be lovingly allowed to float in the air.   As you gather coats, boots and hats, snacks and water bottles, you can take a little moment to flow Love to them.  Feel yourself take a Breath, find their eyes and make Eye Contact, then continue on with your task, in silence.  This practice honors your child and their “why” by holding your integrity as you complete your task with focus.  

Children say the word ‘why’ for different reasons.  It is helpful to remember that many times the word ‘why’ is spoken for the same reason that a step is taken by a child learning to walk.  They are simply practicing a new skill.  They have observed people walking around on two legs and now they are ready to get up off the ground and try this walking magic for themselves.  So they take a step.  A word is offered by a child learning to talk.  Children have observed people talking with each other.  Around the kitchen table, in the car, outside in the yard, people are offering words.  The child is aware of a connection between people that are talking.  They can feel the exchange of energy and the focus of attention in a conversation.  Now they are ready to try this talking magic for themselves.  So they offer a word.

They are simply practicing a new skill. They hear someone say something and they want to engage in a conversation.  They want to participate in the exchange of energy.  At the end of your sentence they say, “Why?”.  The intention behind their question is not to understand your sentence.  Their intention is to practice conversation.  To imitate what they have observed happening between people.  

When you hear the word, “Why?”, you can respond from your place of understanding.  You can evaluate if the child has formed a sincere question in their mind, or if perhaps they are taking a step to learn to walk.  Your response to their “why” can flow from your understanding and the place of integrity for that specific moment in time.  

When things are busy and you are focused on completing a task, it is your responsibility to guide the child in respecting the immediate situation.  Now may not be the time to answer the question “Why?”.  That’s when the intentional practice of making eye contact as you take a breath, demonstrates respectful conversation etiquette.  Just as walking slowly on an icy path demonstrates respect for one’s body and the immediate conditions, respectfully answering a question with silence demonstrates respect for one’s focus and the immediate situation.  

Silence

Creating silence when I don’t say anything.  Hearing 100 things in my head that could be said, in response to you.  Choosing to hold my tongue.  I am an artist creating silence.  Silence full of Love and acceptance and a deep breath.  I have stood in the Silence of hatred and fear.  Grateful now to know the difference.  Grateful to create responsibly, the Silence of peace and faith.  

You get up and get dressed and express your usual morning joy with fun noises and belly rubs.  There are ideas in my head about what you could do with your time, what you “should” do.  Most of the ideas emerge from my desire to feel like I am a good mom.  Gently shifting the spotlight of focus to illuminate the primary goal of supporting your independence.  A decision has been made, that regardless of what my scared, small mind may cry out for, the primary goal remains the fearless and grand truth that you are Free.  You are Free to discover Life.  

Under this decision about Freedom lies the idea that a good mom allows space for discovery and failure.  A good mom creates Silence and then listens and watches.  Yesterday morning my scared, grasping mind knew that you “should” either help me hang up this laundry or go outside and shovel that driveway.  Then the spotlight of focus shifted over to illuminate your freedom as my small mind raged, falling into a welcome pit of neglect.  As the small mind is neglected, it fades.  It gets easier and easier to function from the fearless and grand truth that resides in my heart.  You are Free.  

You are Free.  It is my pleasure and my honor to allow space for you to discover Life at your own pace and in your own, unique way.  So I am Silent.  I am an artist hanging up laundry, creating a masterpiece of Loving, peaceful Silence.  You continue to bounce around, oozing joy, even while saying right out loud, “I don’t know what to do.  I don’t know what to do.”.  Deep breath, reach for another piece of clean, wet clothing to hang on the rack, see the spotlight illuminating primary goal.  There is a Free, wild creature here with me and I am on safari with my notebook, observing their behavior.  What will the independent one do?  They have said they don’t know what to do.  Silence.  Acceptance of your wisdom.  Faith that this moment counts.  Knowing I am a good mom because I am allowing space.  A silent space pregnant with eager celebration of divine guidance and your beautiful uniqueness.  

YES!  You reach for a piece of laundry, joyfully hanging it on the rack.  Another piece, then another.  There is a flow.  We’re doing the laundry together.  It just happened, in the Silence.  My quiet mouth.  My held tongue.  Yes.  

Encouraging Celebration

    In our current culture, correcting one another may seem appropriate. Having the ‘right’ information may feel safe or powerful. When interacting with children, practice allowing space for imagination. Facts and information frequently are not relevant in their moments, and can be set aside until absolutely necessary. This can be difficult, but it helps to focus on the child in front of you. Be mindful of where you may be holding facts, and allow the space to sit as a student. Your child teacher may be offering a lesson in Truth and Joy. 

     Around the table in the lovely, bright kitchen gathered the nanny, her 9 year old son and the little girl. Little Lisa babbled on about her dear friend Sienna. She described and announced her plans: a stroller ride down the street to Sienna’s house to pick her up, painting at the table, collecting eggs from the chicken coop and so many other fun things. Nanny and son were eating their breakfast. Lisa was not eating her breakfast. She was joyous, detailing in her halted, toddler speech, all that would transpire in her wondrous reality. 

      Nanny knew that Sienna was not coming over today. She had been here yesterday and enjoyed a lovely visit on the farm. But Nanny understood the long term implications of this particular moment in time. So with eye contact, smiles, and affirmative noises, she agreed with Lisa. Nanny encouraged her and supported the joyous tirade of words flowing from Lisa’s heart right out of her mouth, all the while blocking her breakfast. The little girl could eat later. These dreams of a friend’s visit was food for her soul. Lisa was in Love with Life and with encouraging nods and grunts, Nanny wrapped that experience in a safe, soft blanket and held it up in celebration like the absolute trophy of triumph that it was.  

     Nine year old “big brother” observed the whole scene thoughtfully.  After a bit, himself also knowing that Sienna visiting two days in a row was not the plan, respectfully and quietly, so as not to disrupt the celebration, he voiced his question. “Mum, none of that is true. Why are you agreeing with her?” Well stated young man, good question. 

      What is true? 

   What I know for sure is that little girl in front of us right now inhabits a state of consciousness called heaven. She’s creating and living in heaven right here on earth. In this kitchen. Daydreaming and declaring all that makes her heart sing. I agree with her. I agree with her heaven. We are witnessing a human child in their natural habitat. They dwell in states of peace and joy, celebration and imagination. Their worlds are unbounded by schedules and what happened yesterday. Lisa is sharing with us what infinite possibility sounds like and showing us what it feels like. 

      Our responsibility in this moment is to hold space for her heart to soar.  She is completely Free in this moment and we are the guardians of that Freedom, the stewards. Her open heart and unlimited mind does not need to be developed or cultivated, it’s already complete and whole. But it does need to be stewarded well. It needs a safe, encouraging space to run and jump and fly away higher and higher. That’s what we’re doing, sitting here at this table eating, as her breakfast gets cold. We are farmers, harvesting the pure, unbounded heart of a child.