Turns out, I am committed to a way of life. Society helped me believe that I would be committed to a man and our children and that would be the whole world. Not so. That is one way to live and I see it working for some people. They live their lives around work schedules for jobs that pay the bills.
Things turned out different for me and as I am noticing it and accepting it, I feel satisfied. Feeling satisfied in this life is a tremendous accomplishment and one I am proud of. Making a decision to experience contentment and satisfaction with circumstances around me has been liberating.
Here I am on this huge piece of land with a child and a grumpy old man that takes care of the big things. He put my name on the deed to this land. He gave me 120 acres. I feel it is rare and so special to have received a gift of land. A really big piece of land. And its beautiful here, I love it. I love living in Michigan and this place where I find myself settled is a fine example of Michigan beauty. There are hills and trees, wetlands, creeks, woods and open fields, all on a dirt road. I love living on a dirt road.
What I have here is freedom. Freedom from hangups and attachments to money that used to rule my life much more than I realized. Freedom from mirrors and caring about how I look. I do not go out in public much, maybe once a week. I love my hair and my coloring and my body and I feel satisfied with the labor I participate in every day. So when I go out I present a whole person who is not really interested in the latest fashion. I am comfortable in my clothes and not influenced by the media images that so many people take in multiple times a day. Freedom.
And I don't really expect anyone to understand this. I only understand it because I've made a decision to embrace this freedom. It is different, new and unique to my experience. Each person that truly experiences freedom will have their own story to tell.
The life style that I lead here lets me choose labor over working. Being free to develop my personal relationship with God with out pressure from social forces to behave a certain way in order to correctly represent a business. I believe it is possible to develop one's relationship with God under any circumstances and I really enjoy doing it here, raw. Labor instead of working means that there is no job that pays me money for my work. I labor to get the sugar I want. I could work a job and take the money earned to the store and buy sugar. Here, sugar means a month of labor. Carrying heavy buckets of sap quite a distance over uneven terrain. (Barefoot. Many days it is warm enough to do this barefoot. One of the top freedoms that I am committed to.) Gathering large amounts of firewood with hand saws. Finding small dead trees, cutting them down and sawing into pieces that can then be dragged or carried quite a distance back to the fire. All for sugar.
I love sugar, always have. This is the only sugar I'll eat all year. I don't buy processed food or drink at the grocery store. I eat what this place provides me with so the only sugar that goes in my body is the sugar my body directly labored for in the woods. This is how I am understanding my commitment. There is nothing I would rather be doing. It fulfills my soul. I feel honored beyond belief to receive the gift of sugar from mama earth. I am harvesting the abundance of what is offered and to me it is worship. I love sugar, the trees are offering and I am receiving. Its a beautiful relationship. That's what it is. I am committed to a relationship. I am married to the earth and I am committed to listening to her, learning from her, sharing my gifts with her and working together as a loving, seamless beautiful creative experience.