Immune to Narcissist

I found a video on you-tube that resonates deeply.

    I live with and farm with a human that is great in many ways and also behaves in ways that many people refer to as Narcissist.

    I don't take his narcissistic verbal spewing personally.  I've stopped being confused.  I am no longer full of self doubt.  I rarely ruminate about what he says and does.  

I am confident and self assured in my own abilities.  I am clear on what I know and clear on what I don't know.  I do things that I love.  I'm a farmer.   I love my lifestyle, my work and my hobbies.

I don't take it personally.  Yep, he's an absolute jerk, a pain in the neck.  That's on him, it has nothing to do with me.  So even when miguel is saying mean, gaslighting, invalidating, outlandish things I can just shrug and not make it my problem.  

I can hold on well to my reality.  Even when he gaslights, I can say ok, that's your version, I got a version and we can agree to disagree.  

I am able to set and maintain boundaries.  I know when to quit.  I have an uncanny ability to know when to say no and to stick by my boundary.  

I haven't been thinking of miguel as a narcissist until recently.  And I've only used that term to validate my own experience, to learn about what I am living with, so I can do it better.   There's an equanimity to people who are immune to narcissists.    (Mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper, especially in a difficult situation.)   I can get along with most people and I don't let others get me down.   

I have a tough backstory, my dad was a serious narcissist and my mother is full of fear and criticism.  

I don't fight pointless battles, I don't personalize, and I don't let myself be abused anymore.  

I know that he is totally not self aware and I am able to point the behavior out as problematic.  I don't try to change the narcissist anymore.  I understand that he won't change.  I've made the decision to stay here on this farm.  Yes he has hit me about 5 separate times.  I never lost consciousness.  I chose to see my own part in it and also recognize that he could have made different choices rather than punching me in the face.  I accept that this is how he is.  

I engage in self preservation.  I have developed a sold psychological core and ego to do the things that make me happy, to find the good stuff around me, even when miguel is making a mess out of everything.  I set boundaries.  I stopped sleeping with him.  I started going out on dates.  I never hug him or touch him.  I rarely speak to him about anything that I would speak to a friend about, I don't share my heart.  I step away, but not from an anguish, grief-stricken position.  Just from a position of acceptance.  

I am not afraid.  Let him make a fuss, he looks ridiculous.

I know when to cut my losses.  I haven't gone full no contact.  I live with the guy.  

I don't derive any of my self worth from him, anymore.  I'm not trauma bonded to him.  I don't feel the need to master him or tame him.  I am good with myself, because of my intimate relationship with God.  

I am good at engaging in the decompressing and self care that narcissistic relationships require.  I know my limits.  I recognize exhaustion and I attend to it.  I acknowledge that my relationship with miguel is not healthy, but not from a place of being shredded and soul crushed by him, but from a circumspect place. (unwilling to take risks)   I am not going to waste my time and energy on him.  

I am kind to myself.  Allowing other people to behave as they do and know it has nothing to do with me.  I live the life I love, I do things I enjoy.  I cultivate my sense of self and gave up on the expectations that other people dictate to me about life.  Freedom.  That's what I have claimed.  

I have developed into one of these rare Unicorns. I have lived with m, the narcissist, for 10 years and what you so clearly describe in this video is what I have become. Intentionally. M and I farm together. Both our names are on the deed to 120 acres, so as you say, I am doing what I love. I found my bliss at 45 years old. I am a farmer. And that means living with m, in the same house, same kitchen, hand milk cows every morning together. I am awesome! I used to be trauma bonded to him, it was bad. I have left a few times but I love this lifestyle, my hobbies are my work, I'm a farmer. Last time I tried to leave, the "Covid shutdown" happened in spring of 2020. OK, global "pandemic", I guess I'll stay, and continue my spiritual evolution. With much intentional, daily, moment to moment practice, I do all the things that you said: I engage in self preservation.  I have developed a solid psychological core and ego to do the things that make me happy, to find the good stuff around me, even when m is making a mess out of everything.  I set boundaries.  I stopped sleeping with him.  I started going out on dates.  I never hug him or touch hm. I engage in self preservation.   I don't share my heart.  I step away, but not from an anguish, grief-stricken position.  Just from a position of acceptance.  I am not afraid.  I haven't gone full no contact.  I live with the guy.  

I don't derive any of my self worth from him, anymore.   I don't feel the need to master him or tame him.  I am good with myself, because of my intimate relationship with God.  

I am good at engaging in the decompressing and self care that narcissistic relationships require.  I know my limits.  I recognize exhaustion and I attend to it. 

I am kind to myself.  I live the life I love, I do things I enjoy.  I cultivate my sense of self and gave up on the expectations that other people dictate to me about life.  Freedom.  That's what I have claimed.    I am floating in appreciation for your clear, specific video.  I knew I was doing something amazing and it feels AWESOME to have some language describing what I've done.  thank you so much, love, kari