who am I ?

 Ella Mae opposed Jake

Anna Mae opposed Joe

Aunt Barb opposed Devon

(That's what I saw.  There was so much more)  

Love

(What I see now)

Love

Who am I now that 

kari no longer opposes miguel

Love

my milk cow family

This is J bull about a week ago.  He's been off the rope, free in the new calf pasture since Tuesday, so he was only on the rope for one week.   

This is Chrissy.  She stands well for milking.  Her milk is sweet and she's giving over 2 gallons.  She seems in good / normal spirits, no sign of depression / low energy following the birth of her calf, who was found dead.  Farm partner reported that the calf was well formed, normal looking calf.  It was buried before I saw it, but I believe him.  

This is Trudy's bull calf.  Healthy, spunky little guy.  

Trudy on July 1st.  

Trudy the morning after she had her bull calf.   Today her udder was nice, not too tight.  I took a bit of pressure off.  The rear Left had small amount of curds and that quarter was milked mostly out.  She's robust.  

cream cheese yum

 

analogy

    Discovering or creating an analogy helps me feel like I can explain something so another person might understand.  It feels good to feel understood.  It feels good to communicate clearly and analogies assist me  in feeling clear.

     In this house, ice cream is made with at least six egg yolks, about one cup of sugar, and as much cream and whole milk as is available and one feels like using.  That's the recipe I learned from the housemate and it works really well, meaning, the ice cream is scrumptious. 

    We use our own homemade maple sugar to make the ice cream, and eggs from our chickens, and milk from the cows that generously live here on the farm with us.  I have never used store bought sugar to make a batch of ice cream.  There is a bit of store bought sugar in the cupboard, left here by a dear friend after her bread baking, week-long visit.  If for some reason, I can't imagine what, but if I did use that store bought sugar to make a batch of ice cream, I would be sure to label it as such so that the housemate would know.  Then he would be free to make his own decision about whether or not he wanted to eat it, or just make a different batch with home made sugar.  Same with the eggs.  Sometimes I bring eggs home from the food bank, and I would never use them to make a batch of ice cream. (They are fed to the dogs and kitties.)  If for some strange reason I did use those eggs, I would label the ice cream as such so that the housemate could make his own decision about eating it or just waiting for a fresh batch made with our farm eggs.

     Drinking whole milk is very important to me.  Communicating clearly is very important to me.  The housemate regularly skims cream off of containers of milk and them replaces the container in the refrigerator as if it was whole milk.  I just want to know if its whole milk from the cow or if it has been skimmed so that I can make my own decision about whether I want to drink it or wait until the next day when, praise the Lord, there will be fresh whole milk.  

     A container of milk can be skimmed for all of its cream and the resulting skim milk can be fed to the animals.  Housemate has said out loud that he just takes off enough cream for a small batch of hot chocolate, its not enough cream to make any difference.  Then he puts the container back in the fridge, unlabeled, so that no one but him will know that the milk in that container is no longer whole milk.  I just want to know so that I can make my own choice.   Housemate has also said that sometimes he just pours off the top milk, not agitating the container prior, so all the cream that has risen to the top flows out.  Then he replaces the container back in the fridge as if it were whole milk.  He said that maybe he has changed the milk from 5% cream to 4.97% cream and it shouldn't matter.  I just want to know so that I can make my own choice.  

     It's just good manners to skim a milk container of all its cream and leave the cream in a jar in the fridge so anyone else who wants cream can have it, then the fully skimmed container can be placed in the animal feed area.  

     This is all so silly trying to write it down and explain, but I finally received the ice cream analogy and writing makes me feel better so here it is.  All this milk container and skimming and cream and all of it has just been figured out over time and experience.  Its been fun to discover little systems for using and enjoying the milk.  There's a sweet little decorative patch from Holler Fest that I use to label the cream jar.  I just place the square patch on the jar in the fridge and then housemate knows that is the fresh cream.  Sometimes there can be two or three jars of cream in the fridge at once, but I always put the patch on the fresh jar.  Its just polite.  I enjoy communicating clearly.  

     All things change and it will be nice when this gets easier.  So that is why I threw the milk, because I was so upset after years and years of discussing this, arguing about it, developing systems of communication and I was still not sure if the milk in the fridge was whole milk or 4.97% cream, as he says.  When I saw the milk that I threw, all over my child's legos, his sweet little lego table covered in milk, something broke inside me.  I was released.  Energy shifted and I've been free ever since.  

     Drinking whole milk is NOT more important than my own peace.  I choose my own peace over any sad little skimming games housemate wants to play.  I have my integrity and I still would never make a batch of ice cream with anything but farm ingredients.  I realized that day, as I gazed at lego pieces covered in yucky, sticky milk, that I don't have to throw the milk.  I have a choice.  Always.  In every moment, I have a choice.  I can be upset and hurt that my housemate doesn't communicate clearly, AND I don't have to throw milk.  I can choose my own peace.  

    I am not sorry it happened.  I cherish this new freedom that I claimed that day.  I appreciate the opportunity to see more clearly how free I am.  I don't have to throw the milk.   

answers

 "Can you suggest anything we can do to make the house sharing less controversial?"

Yes I can.

Meditating every morning has improved my experience in the house over the last 9 months.  I sit for 20 minutes and quiet my thoughts, listening to the ticking of a clock.  This process is like training for a race, I am practicing focus.  I am practicing my ability to shift my focus from uncomfortable thoughts to something more pleasant.  

and

Writing a list every morning of things I love has improved my experience in the house over the last 15 months.  

"I love sleeping well.  I love waking up to hear the birds singing.  I love feeling rested.  I love listening to mateo breathe in the bed next to me.  I love writing in this book.  I love to see the ducks waddle down the lane and I love to hear their quacking.  I love loving.  I love feeling relaxed.  I love knowing that all is well..."

This is another tool to help me learn to focus on things that feel good.  I am practicing my ability to focus on what feels good.  

also, changing how I think about you miguel, has improved my experience in the house.  I used to think of you as my boyfriend or my "life partner".  Then it shifted to thinking of you as my Ex, and my perspective has continued to evolve.  You are mateo's dad, his beloved father.  You are my housemate.  To me, you are my farm partner.  You are the wizard that the Universe used to teach me the names and characters of my dearest friends, the plants and the trees.  It is good to come together for the purpose of co-creation.  

I love this farm.

Thank you for asking your question,

love,

kari

Balanced relationships

 Law of Attraction video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y-i_lkfxRr0  @ 1 hour 3 min

"I like you pretty good, let's see how it goes.

I like you pretty good.  Let's see what I can do about maintaining my alignment so that the next logical step includes you.  

I take full responsibility for how I feel about you.  and so it is my promise to you that I will practice myself into a focused awareness that will keep me loving you, unconditionally.  I ask not one thing of you, other than vibrational alignment, the alignment I intend to inspire from my own alignment.  So its all on me.  so if you want to play, let's have some fun.  "

Recovery

     I believe people who display narcissistic behavior CAN recover.

Ramani videos :

Can narcissists change?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vvvZY-pdmQs

10 things people can do to change their narcissistic behavior 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D60s_zyLeu4

The tremendous growth that comes from surviving a narcissistic relationship

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YmLPLzaQ5MY&t=19s

He drove me to my knees and I discovered Love. Self Love. God's Love. I stopped speaking out loud and discovered that God was listening and guiding me through my heart. I have a deep, ever-expanding, intimate relationship with God, with Love. I wouldn't change a thing. No regrets. I love my life, I love myself, and the horrors that brought me here cannot ever compare to the Glorious Love that I now bask in every single day. It was worth it.