Some of Everitt’s behavior pushed big buttons for me.   That’s how I knew it was perfect for him to come here and be here with us.  I need my junk brought out into the light so that I can let myself feel it and it will be transmuted into light and love.  Its good to have a child bring out my junk because I am slightly better at letting myself feel it, meaning I don’t try to numb myself with yelling.  William does this for me also and so did Morgan.  I felt confused around Everitt much of the time because it was obvious to me that he was intelligent and capable and yet he frequently acted confused.  It seemed like an act, it did not feel sincere, it did not feel honest.  Dishonestly causes me much discomfort.  When someone is dishonest, then they are not responsible for their actions.  They can say or do something and not be held accountable because they claim confusion or not being aware, they are unwilling to acknowledge their participation in what happened.  It leaves an honest person feeling helpless.  I saw what just happened, I heard what you said, and now you are saying you were confused, that what I saw or heard wasn’t what happened for you.  Oh!  Its all so confusing.  So that’s how I felt around him.  and its exactly how I feel around miguel much of the time.

Yesterday morning mateo ate a sausage before chores and then later in the day he ate a 2nd sausage.  This was the first time he had eaten sausage in 4 days.  Someone said something about sausage for breakfast and in an accurate imitation of Everitt’s voice and tone Mateo says, “um, I don’t think I had a sausage today… wasn’t that yesterday?”  Oh it makes me want to scream just thinking about it.  

Its just words filling space, trying to get a reaction out of someone.  Because in the past who ever offers a stupid comment like that HAS gotten a reaction.  A professor loves the opportunity to answer the poor, stupid child’s question, they obviously can’t even remember what they had for breakfast, here, let me set them straight, someone has to, poor stupid child.  

So a young child, craving interaction with adults and learning, practicing how to speak and engage and with adults, offers a stupid question and the professor answers, engages them.  The child is happy.  They are not trying to be dishonest.  They know they had sausage for breakfast but they want to engage with an adult and so they form a question, they are learning to speak and practicing.   The arrogant professor who just loves to hear his own voice, jumps at the opportunity to answer a question, regardless of the content or purpose behind the question.  He wants his own needs fulfilled, regardless of the child’s developmental needs.  

Its the same thing when a young child asks “why?”.  They are not necessarily intellectually wondering why about what they are asking.  They are learning to speak and practicing and also desiring interaction with older humans.  That’s why no amount of information will stop the “why?” question.  They are not seeking information.  They are practicing and desiring human verbal interaction.  

When my child started with the “Why?” thing, I would answer him a few times, with eye contact and observing his response.  If it continued and I observed that he was playing with a toy or walking away and continuing to speak the word “why?” then I still held him in loving attention, but offered silence.  He usually just wandered away, his attention on the next interesting thing.  If he did persist with the “why?” after a few reasonable answers had been offered, then I held him in loving attention and offered the word “Lisa”.  That was a word that brought Love to my heart and so I offered it with love and he quickly learned that mama is not going to play the game of "offer endless information", which to him was just interaction, to the persistent question of “why”. 

As he got older his questions would become more involved and seemingly specific, and I pay careful attention to what I believe is his intention in asking.  If he seems to be sincerely wondering about something then I answer as I am able.  If he asks a question that I know for sure he knows the answer to then I assume he is just desiring practice in communication and interaction with me and so I hold him in loving attention and offer silence.  He has become familiar with this response from me and so usually has a little laugh and says something like “oh yeah, I remember” and proceeds to answer his own question.  Its all good practice and he seems satisfied.  And I am satisfied.  

If I were to answer his question, knowing that he knows the answer, I would be participating in something dishonest.  I would be telling him, I know you’re just practicing human verbal interaction and that you know the answer to your question, but I am going to disregard all that and just provide the answer to your question.  

I try to interact with the child holding his developmental stage in mind.  I try to put my own needs aside and interact with him based on what will fulfill his developmental needs.  He is a child and part of my role is to guide and support his development.  

     Many times what happens is, adults, needing to feel superior, jump at the chance to answer a child’s question.  They see it as oh, here is this poor empty vessel asking a question and I am an experienced human with the answer to their question so I will provide the information they are clearly seeking.  The adult does not take into account the developmental stage of the child and the intention behind the question.  So many times the child learns that they can ask any question, even ones they know the answer to, or questions they don’t care about, but just want to get the adult talking.  And it works.  The adult, professor I like to think of them as, they start their lecture and the child is free to listen or day dream.  Its dishonest.  The child quickly learns that if they want to, they can manipulate the adult.  They can hide behind endless questions and the adult will just continue to speak, providing information.  

My child learned from me that we speak about honest things.  We ask honest questions.  We listen to the answers.  He trusts me because I expect honesty from him and he knows he will get honesty from me.