I hit on someone yesterday at the library, homeschool-mom style. It worked. She took my digits and smiled.
I was at the library basking in the loveliness of the experience when a woman walked in with 4 children. Suddenly my kid wanted to leave and I became determined to find a movie. I wanted to wait long enough for shyness to pass and see if there was any connection between teo and these new humans. Frequently in this situation there is not and so we just go on about our day. With his third request to leave lovingly refused the reward came as joyful noises from the toy dinosaur area of our sweet little library. Contact! I casually observed the children and then shifted focus to the mother.
She seemed like someone I could talk to and my habits of thought quickly attacked the idea. Then from somewhere warm and loving, a new thought came. Just try it honey. This is a beautiful, sincere desire and the risk is much less than the potential benefit. It was nice to focus on the possible outcome rather than the unlikely event of total failure and embarrassment. So I melted into the new thought and lurked by the sale books, waiting for the right moment.
Finding home school families out here in the boonies has not been a simple google search. Humans here are spread out and there are a lot of close neighbors who participate in a cult-type culture that is not something I desire to be welcomed in to, and their rules do not welcome outsiders, thank goodness. One thing that has been easy and very comfortable is the library. For such a small town we have a beautiful, functional library. We visit regularly and teo is on speaking terms with both the nice people that work there. I have suspected that if there are any homeschooling humans around, they could be found at the library. Sure enough.
After observing these particular children for a short time I felt confident enough to ask their mother is she was homeschooling them. She smiled again and said yes. I have been in the library enough times to watch what happens when public school kids come in to know the difference. It felt so good to walk up to a stranger filled with desire for a lovely life for my child. That was my motivation and it finally was bigger than all the old fears. I have gotten really good at focusing on what I love and on what I want. So now there is hope for a play date and even a new friend for me. Someone kind who seemed to enjoy speaking with me and has nice skin and pretty eyes.
Friday, April 5, 2019
Tuesday, April 2, 2019
dog person
I love Dixie so much. I love going out the front door each morning and receiving her love. She comes over to me wiggling because her tail wags so hard she can't really even walk. I rub her neck and her chest and her chin and she turns around and around slowly at my feet all the time wagging that tail. Dixie's tail is basically a club stuck on her bum. When she wags the club, its heaviness moves her entire body. When it strikes my leg I feel her solid love. She can knock my kid down just by wagging her tail and nailing him in the chest with it. I love Dixie so much. When I come home she is right there to greet me and occasionally if she's not, I look for her and long for her and can't do anything until she comes bounding up the hill to beat me with her tail and lick my hands. Loving a dog is such a wonderful, true, fulfilling experience.
This is all new for me. Dixie has been with me for almost a year and its the first time in my life to have a dog love. I was not a dog person before I met Dixie. I have friends who are dog people and I was not one of them. I always respected their relationship and I knew that I just couldn't understand it. Being a dog person was just a different love of dog that it was clear I did not have access to. I liked dogs but my dog person friends loved their dogs on a level that was out of reach for me. I figured it was just something to observe, never suspecting that one could be brought to the other side.
And then it happened. I met a dog that brought me over. I found her on Craig's List and went to visit. She jumped up on me and on her owner and on a tree and on anything she could find. I don't like it when dogs jump up. But I couldn't get enough of this dog. She's big too, part Mastiff, part Pit Bull, real solid. I could feel Dixie telling me that she just needed to run. She was shut up in a small, fenced in yard in town. Her humans loved her but their lifestyle just didn't fit her energy. Somehow I just knew, like the sky is blue, that this dog would be wonderful once she got out of the yard and out into the open. It felt like the deepest truth I'd ever known.
So Dixie hopped in the back of my car and came home to the farm. She runs every day for what seems like hours. She never jumps up on me or anyone else. She's my dog love and my heart just bursts thinking about her.
This is all new for me. Dixie has been with me for almost a year and its the first time in my life to have a dog love. I was not a dog person before I met Dixie. I have friends who are dog people and I was not one of them. I always respected their relationship and I knew that I just couldn't understand it. Being a dog person was just a different love of dog that it was clear I did not have access to. I liked dogs but my dog person friends loved their dogs on a level that was out of reach for me. I figured it was just something to observe, never suspecting that one could be brought to the other side.
And then it happened. I met a dog that brought me over. I found her on Craig's List and went to visit. She jumped up on me and on her owner and on a tree and on anything she could find. I don't like it when dogs jump up. But I couldn't get enough of this dog. She's big too, part Mastiff, part Pit Bull, real solid. I could feel Dixie telling me that she just needed to run. She was shut up in a small, fenced in yard in town. Her humans loved her but their lifestyle just didn't fit her energy. Somehow I just knew, like the sky is blue, that this dog would be wonderful once she got out of the yard and out into the open. It felt like the deepest truth I'd ever known.
So Dixie hopped in the back of my car and came home to the farm. She runs every day for what seems like hours. She never jumps up on me or anyone else. She's my dog love and my heart just bursts thinking about her.
Monday, April 1, 2019
fear of death
My understanding of human death has changed and it is such a relief. When I was pregnant my friend Katherine told me her story about sputnik, which she defined as meaning 'fellow traveler'. A sputnik is someone who will travel with you on a trip, or go together with you into a train of thought, following an idea. After her husband died, Katherine was able to maintain communication with him, deepening their connection over time as she learned to navigate this new form of relationship. When I was pregnant and Katherine would think about our friendship and the coming baby, she always felt Garrick, her husband, say 'sputnik' very clearly. She soon came to understand that the spirit of the baby and Garrick were fellow travelers, in the same form, on the same level.
Knowing this from Katherine helped clarify many things for me. I felt sure that the baby growing inside my body was alive and well but I did not believe that it was just a physical object created by cell division and growing from good nutrition. I believed that the baby had chosen me to act as its mother and that it had chosen the time at which it came. I knew that when I held this new baby in my arms for the first time, it would not be the baby's first time here on earth. The body was new and that had formed inside of me, but the spirit was old and wise and independent, determined to live a life that it already understood would be full of expansion and wonder.
Humans talk about where we go or what happens after we die. Being pregnant made me wonder why it is not common to talk about where we come from. I believe we come from the same place that we go to. There are many words to describe it, all of them and none of them work. Currently I use words like Universal Love, the infinite, or just simply, sputnik. Have you seen that Adam Sandler movie where he marries a friend so the fellow firefighter can gain insurance benefits? The human that performs their wedding keeps talking about a circle, its like a circle. The scene in that movie sums it all for me. Its that simple. Life is a circle.
I keep wanting to put in a disclaimer and maybe here is a good place to do it. In this physical life of mine, I have never had the experience of anyone close to me dying. I am 44 and part of the issue is that I haven't been close to many people. Katherine was my closest friend and she was someone I only saw once a month at best and had only known for 4 years. And by the time she died I was already well into this understanding so she lives on so clearly in my everyday life. When someone leaves that is someone I touch every day, I'm not sure how all these ideas will hold up. That's partly why I want to get my beliefs sorted out as soon as possible. This is a priority and writing about it really helps.
So
I desire for my kid to grow up as free as possible, to live as a free human. I believe he arrived totally free and mostly my responsibility lies in encouraging and supporting that freedom. I try to speak very clearly and intentionally about issues that tend to box us humans in. Like death. I use the word die but I also use the words transition, change, return home. But words are generally just Charlie Brown's teacher talking to a child and experience will really make the impression. That is why I stand in awe of the infinite creativity and loving generosity of the Universe as I have watched my desire for a free child be supported by mama Jean.
We met Annette about 2 1/2 years ago and became fast friends, and neighbors as she only lives 4 miles from here. She lives with her mom, Jean, who is in her high 90's. Over time we have watched Jean's physical body slow down and grow tired as they do. Mateo and I have had the opportunity to talk many times about her transition, the process that she is going through. We talked about how she is almost done with her physical body and her spirit will return to where he himself came from. There has never been any sadness in these talks, only joy and awe at the beautiful human experience. We were blessed with the chance to visit only 12 hours before she left and mateo climbed right up in bed with her and stroked her skin, something he had never done in the past. The next day we visited the family and he asked where they buried mama Jean. Our friend and Jean's grand daughter Ashley, gave a lovely explanation of cremation and described how they would sprinkle her ashes and set her free.
A few days ago we attended the Celebration of Life and mateo comforted Ashley by rubbing his cheek against hers and telling her that its alright, Grandma will come back in a different body. (This is not something I personally have talked to him about but I like his idea that the spirit lives on and will continue to interact with our physical world.) Ashley was comforted by his sincerity and that he sweetly allowed her to cry without becoming upset himself. Oh the appreciation I feel for the whole experience is beyond my tiny human mind. He is not even four yet and has had a lovely, intimate relationship with death and dying. I am grateful to have known mama Jean for many reasons and I will always hold her dear as the generous being who left her body and left my child a chance to live free.
embrace eternal
Knowing this from Katherine helped clarify many things for me. I felt sure that the baby growing inside my body was alive and well but I did not believe that it was just a physical object created by cell division and growing from good nutrition. I believed that the baby had chosen me to act as its mother and that it had chosen the time at which it came. I knew that when I held this new baby in my arms for the first time, it would not be the baby's first time here on earth. The body was new and that had formed inside of me, but the spirit was old and wise and independent, determined to live a life that it already understood would be full of expansion and wonder.
Humans talk about where we go or what happens after we die. Being pregnant made me wonder why it is not common to talk about where we come from. I believe we come from the same place that we go to. There are many words to describe it, all of them and none of them work. Currently I use words like Universal Love, the infinite, or just simply, sputnik. Have you seen that Adam Sandler movie where he marries a friend so the fellow firefighter can gain insurance benefits? The human that performs their wedding keeps talking about a circle, its like a circle. The scene in that movie sums it all for me. Its that simple. Life is a circle.
I keep wanting to put in a disclaimer and maybe here is a good place to do it. In this physical life of mine, I have never had the experience of anyone close to me dying. I am 44 and part of the issue is that I haven't been close to many people. Katherine was my closest friend and she was someone I only saw once a month at best and had only known for 4 years. And by the time she died I was already well into this understanding so she lives on so clearly in my everyday life. When someone leaves that is someone I touch every day, I'm not sure how all these ideas will hold up. That's partly why I want to get my beliefs sorted out as soon as possible. This is a priority and writing about it really helps.
So
I desire for my kid to grow up as free as possible, to live as a free human. I believe he arrived totally free and mostly my responsibility lies in encouraging and supporting that freedom. I try to speak very clearly and intentionally about issues that tend to box us humans in. Like death. I use the word die but I also use the words transition, change, return home. But words are generally just Charlie Brown's teacher talking to a child and experience will really make the impression. That is why I stand in awe of the infinite creativity and loving generosity of the Universe as I have watched my desire for a free child be supported by mama Jean.
We met Annette about 2 1/2 years ago and became fast friends, and neighbors as she only lives 4 miles from here. She lives with her mom, Jean, who is in her high 90's. Over time we have watched Jean's physical body slow down and grow tired as they do. Mateo and I have had the opportunity to talk many times about her transition, the process that she is going through. We talked about how she is almost done with her physical body and her spirit will return to where he himself came from. There has never been any sadness in these talks, only joy and awe at the beautiful human experience. We were blessed with the chance to visit only 12 hours before she left and mateo climbed right up in bed with her and stroked her skin, something he had never done in the past. The next day we visited the family and he asked where they buried mama Jean. Our friend and Jean's grand daughter Ashley, gave a lovely explanation of cremation and described how they would sprinkle her ashes and set her free.
A few days ago we attended the Celebration of Life and mateo comforted Ashley by rubbing his cheek against hers and telling her that its alright, Grandma will come back in a different body. (This is not something I personally have talked to him about but I like his idea that the spirit lives on and will continue to interact with our physical world.) Ashley was comforted by his sincerity and that he sweetly allowed her to cry without becoming upset himself. Oh the appreciation I feel for the whole experience is beyond my tiny human mind. He is not even four yet and has had a lovely, intimate relationship with death and dying. I am grateful to have known mama Jean for many reasons and I will always hold her dear as the generous being who left her body and left my child a chance to live free.
embrace eternal
Sunday, March 31, 2019
Fat Camp
I have been fantasizing about hosting a Fat Camp here at the farm. I remember that being kind of a thing when I was growing up. Seems like there were movies and Young Adult fiction books glorifying the idea. Probably it is not ok to speak, or write, of Fat Camps now, and many things I do are not ok so let us add one to the list.
The physical activity I engage in on a typical day is way beyond what an average person would even be able to do. I am thinking of the average person in our current 'American' culture, maybe driving to and from their job which probably involves sitting or standing in one place for many hours of the day. My job as an ICU RN was quite physically active but when I changed to Hospice Nursing my bum got a lot bigger. I was driving around in my car, visiting with people, and then documenting on the computer what I had done all day, which was sit, on my bum.
When I moved to this farm my whole body began to change as I eagerly dug into the labor available. I have always known that vigorous exercise is good for my particular constitution but had never found a way to incorporate it into life naturally. Going to the gym was alright but my heart longed for something that I found on this farm. Exercise or keeping physically fit just became more of a side effect of my life circumstances. My body looked good not because I was all focused on slimming down but just because I got out of bed and lived my new life. This is what my heart had longed for, a complete system, a whole life. Seems like what I absorbed from society growing up was a division of ideas, a separation between parts of one's life. I have always thought of myself as strong, able to open jars when other females cannot, that sort of thing. But I also felt fat or big for most of my life. Having a goal to slim down and look a certain way always loomed in the back of my mind and seemed like its own separate box that I never quite could get checked off.
What a relief one day after moving here, to notice that, hey, I can get my jeans on easy and look, I can squat down in them with out severe pain where they used to cut into flesh. The box had been checked for me. I was slim, toned up. And the funny thing was, now I hardly even cared about it. I was living in the country and rarely going out in public, all my neighbors wear long skirts and head coverings so they did not care about my cute bum and shapely arms. My life was satisfying in so many new ways that looking a certain way had truly become a side effect and not a separate goal. Now I felt whole in a new way.
This has been a few years ago now and I continue to marvel at the strength and joy my body provides. I was charging up some hill the other day saying right out loud how grateful I am to be 44 years old, barefoot, carrying a heavy load, climbing this here gate and not even breathing hard. The celebration of my body and its capabilities is a continuous source of amazement for me. Its wonderful that I struggled with it for so long because now it just never gets old. Look at me, carrying two heavy buckets, barefoot, over uneven, hilly terrain, I'm making sugar in the woods! Look at me holding on to this rope while a 4 month old monster bull calf tries, and fails, to show me which way we are going to go. Look at me, carrying my 30 pound kid on my back for half an hour, going up and down hills, chasing cows up to the milk barn. I love it. I am not working out, I am just living.
So anyway, Fat Camp. I love the idea of hosting a bunch of soft, squishy women here at the farm. We could get up every morning and take a little walk to warm up and then do some gentle stretching.
I would lead them on a long, hilly walk out to the woods and we would gather fire wood with hand saws. There would be heavy buckets to carry and milk cans to lift, paths to be cleared and fences to tear down. The labor available is endless and its all outside in a beautiful place. The farm would benefit greatly from all the labor and the positive energy of the ladies. Oh it would be so fun the laughter alone would tone up bellies.
Living this kind of life every day is not for everyone, diversity of ideas and humans makes the world alive and beautiful. That is why I love the idea of Fat Camp because people could come for a short time to dive in and try something new while maybe losing a few pounds and tightening things up. They could gain huge satisfaction knowing their labor was a lasting contribution to something real and functional. I imagine I would be a good host because I have lived soft and desired something different. I know what it feels like to want to love my body. Putting our bodies to work, meaningful work, is such a fun way to love them. And they will love us back.
Sign up information is below
Space is limited
Call for details
The physical activity I engage in on a typical day is way beyond what an average person would even be able to do. I am thinking of the average person in our current 'American' culture, maybe driving to and from their job which probably involves sitting or standing in one place for many hours of the day. My job as an ICU RN was quite physically active but when I changed to Hospice Nursing my bum got a lot bigger. I was driving around in my car, visiting with people, and then documenting on the computer what I had done all day, which was sit, on my bum.
When I moved to this farm my whole body began to change as I eagerly dug into the labor available. I have always known that vigorous exercise is good for my particular constitution but had never found a way to incorporate it into life naturally. Going to the gym was alright but my heart longed for something that I found on this farm. Exercise or keeping physically fit just became more of a side effect of my life circumstances. My body looked good not because I was all focused on slimming down but just because I got out of bed and lived my new life. This is what my heart had longed for, a complete system, a whole life. Seems like what I absorbed from society growing up was a division of ideas, a separation between parts of one's life. I have always thought of myself as strong, able to open jars when other females cannot, that sort of thing. But I also felt fat or big for most of my life. Having a goal to slim down and look a certain way always loomed in the back of my mind and seemed like its own separate box that I never quite could get checked off.
What a relief one day after moving here, to notice that, hey, I can get my jeans on easy and look, I can squat down in them with out severe pain where they used to cut into flesh. The box had been checked for me. I was slim, toned up. And the funny thing was, now I hardly even cared about it. I was living in the country and rarely going out in public, all my neighbors wear long skirts and head coverings so they did not care about my cute bum and shapely arms. My life was satisfying in so many new ways that looking a certain way had truly become a side effect and not a separate goal. Now I felt whole in a new way.
This has been a few years ago now and I continue to marvel at the strength and joy my body provides. I was charging up some hill the other day saying right out loud how grateful I am to be 44 years old, barefoot, carrying a heavy load, climbing this here gate and not even breathing hard. The celebration of my body and its capabilities is a continuous source of amazement for me. Its wonderful that I struggled with it for so long because now it just never gets old. Look at me, carrying two heavy buckets, barefoot, over uneven, hilly terrain, I'm making sugar in the woods! Look at me holding on to this rope while a 4 month old monster bull calf tries, and fails, to show me which way we are going to go. Look at me, carrying my 30 pound kid on my back for half an hour, going up and down hills, chasing cows up to the milk barn. I love it. I am not working out, I am just living.
So anyway, Fat Camp. I love the idea of hosting a bunch of soft, squishy women here at the farm. We could get up every morning and take a little walk to warm up and then do some gentle stretching.
I would lead them on a long, hilly walk out to the woods and we would gather fire wood with hand saws. There would be heavy buckets to carry and milk cans to lift, paths to be cleared and fences to tear down. The labor available is endless and its all outside in a beautiful place. The farm would benefit greatly from all the labor and the positive energy of the ladies. Oh it would be so fun the laughter alone would tone up bellies.
Living this kind of life every day is not for everyone, diversity of ideas and humans makes the world alive and beautiful. That is why I love the idea of Fat Camp because people could come for a short time to dive in and try something new while maybe losing a few pounds and tightening things up. They could gain huge satisfaction knowing their labor was a lasting contribution to something real and functional. I imagine I would be a good host because I have lived soft and desired something different. I know what it feels like to want to love my body. Putting our bodies to work, meaningful work, is such a fun way to love them. And they will love us back.
Sign up information is below
Space is limited
Call for details
Saturday, March 30, 2019
Germ Theory
I got into a pleasant discussion with some new friends at a weekend gathering back in January. They were speaking of living in a way that allowed just their vegetable operation to support them without need for 'jobs' off the farm. I piped in and encouraged them to pursue this option. Not having had a 'job' myself for over 5 years now, its fun to nudge others in the direction of disentangling themselves from the system. My friend Katherine was accused of having "No visible means of support" and she felt this a great compliment. I see it that way also.
Moving towards not needing an outside job in large part comes from slashing expenses. And slashing expenses is a life style change. It is a paradigm shift. If one comes to value their time at home and their personal freedom more and more, this is a natural process. I would only discuss this with someone who was wondering about it. The shift has to be part of the person's natural evolution and general direction in life. Forcing this kind of change does not work and when it happens easily the results can be beautiful.
My new friends and I felt comfortable discussing numbers and really examining how to live simply and stay at home to pursue passions and live a fulfilling life. I offered the number $6,000. That is what I live on here at the farm with two other humans. Two adults and one growing child live comfortably, and I mean luxuriously, on $6,000 per year. Now this land is paid off so that changes everything. Moving towards freedom is a process and shifting a paradigm can take some time so knowing that one is moving towards paying off land by slashing expenses can be so helpful.
Part of what helped me spend less money was a little rule I made up for myself in 2003 after reading a book about factories in China that produce all of the items sold in any Walmart or Target store here in the good ole USA. I decided to only buy things that were 'made in USA'. It quickly became clear that I was now unable to buy almost anything. I became a bit obsessed, examining every package of socks, looking at the tag of every item and then quickly putting it down when it did not say USA. I was not all pro-USA, I was just trying to pay attention to what my money was supporting. Just the thought of a huge, stinky ship crossing the beautiful ocean only to carry this item to me was enough to help me put it down and walk away. This rule for myself was sort of a game I began to play and it turned into a real life style change.
Then it seemed reasonable to cash in my retirement account from the nursing job I was still working. I knew the money was being used to fund wars and produce dangerous, useless chemicals so I took it away from the investment company. That is my money and the interest earned isn't worth the cost to humanity. My paradigm was really shifting. Then I quit my nursing job, rented out rooms in my house and started working on vegetable farms. My monetary income had fallen 75% and I'd never been happier. I was barefoot in the sunshine 6 days a week, eating better than I ever had, and getting real physical exercise that had me looking better than ever too. Then I rented out the whole house and moved to this farm where I've been for over 8 years. Now the expense slashing really got going.
I thought I had been living simply and I had, for city standards. But moving out here to the deep country changed even more than I knew could be changed. I loved it. That's why it works for me. One has to be ready and the change has to be a natural part of a life's path.
So in the discussion with my new friends one thing I did not feel comfortable mentioning are my views on and experience with, the germ theory. Letting go of the fear of germs and really understanding how planet earth functions with humans and all creatures actually helped me slash expenses. This is a bit confusing to me because the process was so gradual and I remain a comfortable human, not disease ridden, as popular culture would declare. I remember spending much energy trying to decide which shampoo would help my hair look good and which lotion would make my skin nice and I wanted the biggest bottle so I wouldn't need to buy more in a few weeks and I wanted organic because I had the money and so might as well support companies that were trying to do the right thing... blah blah blah.
Its so weird to me now, all those hours in the isle at whole foods reading labels and the money handed over at the cash register. Now, here on the farm, knowing what I know about the planet where we live, I don't use soap to wash my dishes. I don't use soap to wash my kid. I don't use shampoo to wash my hair. I don't use soap to wash the milking equipment. We do pay for LP gas that heats our water and we use really hot water, that is to me, a luxury that I truly enjoy. My diet is so different now than it used to be with all the healthy fat that I eat every single day that I don't require lotion anymore. Even in the winter! I mean I can't really even believe it. I've lived in Michigan most of my 44 years and lotion in the winter is just a fact of life. Nope. Not anymore. I haven't bought a bottle of lotion for many years. My skin does not get dry, it is soft and quite beautiful. I guess you could say I eat the lotion. And chapstick either, not needed. Because I don't use soap to wash my hair all the natural oils stay and do what they're supposed to do, nourish my hair and my scalp. I rinse it with water occasionally and I brush it every day but not spending money on shampoo and conditioner has been life changing for me.
This all seems simple and silly and a bit crazy. Its not something I generally discuss with people, that I don't use soap to wash my dishes. I am perfectly happy with my life and the home I live in and I want to respect other people's religious views about the germ theory. If I started spouting off about how biodiversity makes the world go round, they would feel that I was threatening the bottles under their sink that they hold so dear. This paradigm shift is not for everyone and I just wanted to share the truth about my life because it feels good to come clean - ha! If there is anyone else out there who suspects they could change a few things in their life but it feels weird, I want to encourage you. Go with what you feel may be right, even though it looks totally different than everything around you.
Moving towards not needing an outside job in large part comes from slashing expenses. And slashing expenses is a life style change. It is a paradigm shift. If one comes to value their time at home and their personal freedom more and more, this is a natural process. I would only discuss this with someone who was wondering about it. The shift has to be part of the person's natural evolution and general direction in life. Forcing this kind of change does not work and when it happens easily the results can be beautiful.
My new friends and I felt comfortable discussing numbers and really examining how to live simply and stay at home to pursue passions and live a fulfilling life. I offered the number $6,000. That is what I live on here at the farm with two other humans. Two adults and one growing child live comfortably, and I mean luxuriously, on $6,000 per year. Now this land is paid off so that changes everything. Moving towards freedom is a process and shifting a paradigm can take some time so knowing that one is moving towards paying off land by slashing expenses can be so helpful.
Part of what helped me spend less money was a little rule I made up for myself in 2003 after reading a book about factories in China that produce all of the items sold in any Walmart or Target store here in the good ole USA. I decided to only buy things that were 'made in USA'. It quickly became clear that I was now unable to buy almost anything. I became a bit obsessed, examining every package of socks, looking at the tag of every item and then quickly putting it down when it did not say USA. I was not all pro-USA, I was just trying to pay attention to what my money was supporting. Just the thought of a huge, stinky ship crossing the beautiful ocean only to carry this item to me was enough to help me put it down and walk away. This rule for myself was sort of a game I began to play and it turned into a real life style change.
Then it seemed reasonable to cash in my retirement account from the nursing job I was still working. I knew the money was being used to fund wars and produce dangerous, useless chemicals so I took it away from the investment company. That is my money and the interest earned isn't worth the cost to humanity. My paradigm was really shifting. Then I quit my nursing job, rented out rooms in my house and started working on vegetable farms. My monetary income had fallen 75% and I'd never been happier. I was barefoot in the sunshine 6 days a week, eating better than I ever had, and getting real physical exercise that had me looking better than ever too. Then I rented out the whole house and moved to this farm where I've been for over 8 years. Now the expense slashing really got going.
I thought I had been living simply and I had, for city standards. But moving out here to the deep country changed even more than I knew could be changed. I loved it. That's why it works for me. One has to be ready and the change has to be a natural part of a life's path.
So in the discussion with my new friends one thing I did not feel comfortable mentioning are my views on and experience with, the germ theory. Letting go of the fear of germs and really understanding how planet earth functions with humans and all creatures actually helped me slash expenses. This is a bit confusing to me because the process was so gradual and I remain a comfortable human, not disease ridden, as popular culture would declare. I remember spending much energy trying to decide which shampoo would help my hair look good and which lotion would make my skin nice and I wanted the biggest bottle so I wouldn't need to buy more in a few weeks and I wanted organic because I had the money and so might as well support companies that were trying to do the right thing... blah blah blah.
Its so weird to me now, all those hours in the isle at whole foods reading labels and the money handed over at the cash register. Now, here on the farm, knowing what I know about the planet where we live, I don't use soap to wash my dishes. I don't use soap to wash my kid. I don't use shampoo to wash my hair. I don't use soap to wash the milking equipment. We do pay for LP gas that heats our water and we use really hot water, that is to me, a luxury that I truly enjoy. My diet is so different now than it used to be with all the healthy fat that I eat every single day that I don't require lotion anymore. Even in the winter! I mean I can't really even believe it. I've lived in Michigan most of my 44 years and lotion in the winter is just a fact of life. Nope. Not anymore. I haven't bought a bottle of lotion for many years. My skin does not get dry, it is soft and quite beautiful. I guess you could say I eat the lotion. And chapstick either, not needed. Because I don't use soap to wash my hair all the natural oils stay and do what they're supposed to do, nourish my hair and my scalp. I rinse it with water occasionally and I brush it every day but not spending money on shampoo and conditioner has been life changing for me.
This all seems simple and silly and a bit crazy. Its not something I generally discuss with people, that I don't use soap to wash my dishes. I am perfectly happy with my life and the home I live in and I want to respect other people's religious views about the germ theory. If I started spouting off about how biodiversity makes the world go round, they would feel that I was threatening the bottles under their sink that they hold so dear. This paradigm shift is not for everyone and I just wanted to share the truth about my life because it feels good to come clean - ha! If there is anyone else out there who suspects they could change a few things in their life but it feels weird, I want to encourage you. Go with what you feel may be right, even though it looks totally different than everything around you.
Thursday, March 28, 2019
Luxurious
Frequently ideas about luxury and extravagance come to mind when reflecting on my life situation. I find myself living an extravagant life style, basking in luxury. Some looking from the outside in, would not use those words to describe what goes on here. As Mary Poppins says, "it all depends on your point of view".
Working as an RN in the Trauma / Burn Intensive Care Unit of a University Hospital, I knew what hard work was. Twelve hour shifts that regularly included a two to four hour dressing change where up to five people worked on one patient in a 100 degree Fahrenheit room while wearing plastic gowns, face coverings, and all hoping the person lived through the end of our shift, at least. To me, that's what hard work feels like. As I left nursing and started farming one phrase I heard repeatedly from people was, "oh farming, that's hard work". I still hear it quite a bit and I generally do not even try to explain my point of view any more. It is possible that I am not a farmer, especially in the sense that most people think of. It is also likely that people who say things like, "that's hard work" have a limited view of life's experiences.
I've been 'farming' now for over seven years and a clear distinction has developed for me between labor and work. Work is generally not something I participate in anymore. I prefer to labor. And it is similar to word choices people use when discussing God, or a higher power, or Universal Love, we use words that are comfortable for us. Labor for me has become something that sustains my luxury. It keeps my body in good physical shape and it feeds my soul like singing worship in a black church in Ypsilanti. I am good at labor, its one thing I was called here to do.
I love being barefoot outside as much as I can. When its cold out but the wood stove is kicking out heat, its feels wonderful to me to run out side, let my bare feet touch the earth for a few moments and then come inside for a nice pair of clean socks. For six or seven months of the year living a life that allows bare feet every day is a life of luxury. No sidewalks, no pavement, just the earth in all her lovely forms to walk upon, mud, grass, ankle high creeks.
I guess the food is one of the main reasons I feel luxury and extravagance in my everyday life. I love food. I love to eat. I'm a good eater. Physical labor goes well with an enjoyment of eating, they balance each other out. I am not talking about 'oh I had the best meal out at dinner last night'. The food here is amazing, as in nourishing, flavorful, and alive. I do feel qualified to describe food in this way. There was money in my life for a significant span of time and I have eaten at fine restaurants and shopped at quality, high end stores. This food is different. And I eat it every day. Every day, for every meal!
Bacon, how many days this week do I want to eat bacon? Just reach into the freezer and grab a package. Sugar. Just let the sugar lumps pour into a quart jar of kefir. Ice cream, oh the ice cream. As much as I can eat. Many times I sprinkle sugar on my ice cream as a topping. Cheese, oh good Lord the Cheese. Warm cheese curd, fried cheese curd, soft fresh cheese, soft older cheese, hard cheese, its all here. I can eat as much cheese as I want all day every day. OK so part of the luxury comes from my current understanding of human health. I know that the evil cholesterol they speak of is an illusion. I know that eggs and milk from this place are not even the same food as the eggs and 'milk' available to people who believe in cholesterol. I know that fat is what makes up the wall of each cell in my body. Each cell. So I need to eat some fat, and I do, unlimited amounts of fat. Because the fat from this food is fat in its pure, original form. Nourish, that's what the food here does for my body, it nourishes my body.
More than I realized, luxury does depend on one's point of view. It would be dangerous to eat all this glorious food while subscribing to western medical 'knowledge'. I believe it could make a person sick. So I stand in appreciation for my understanding of the perfect human body and the delicious food that has been abundantly provided to nourish that physical self.
I live an extravagant, luxurious life and I enjoy excellent physical health and I am so grateful!
Working as an RN in the Trauma / Burn Intensive Care Unit of a University Hospital, I knew what hard work was. Twelve hour shifts that regularly included a two to four hour dressing change where up to five people worked on one patient in a 100 degree Fahrenheit room while wearing plastic gowns, face coverings, and all hoping the person lived through the end of our shift, at least. To me, that's what hard work feels like. As I left nursing and started farming one phrase I heard repeatedly from people was, "oh farming, that's hard work". I still hear it quite a bit and I generally do not even try to explain my point of view any more. It is possible that I am not a farmer, especially in the sense that most people think of. It is also likely that people who say things like, "that's hard work" have a limited view of life's experiences.
I've been 'farming' now for over seven years and a clear distinction has developed for me between labor and work. Work is generally not something I participate in anymore. I prefer to labor. And it is similar to word choices people use when discussing God, or a higher power, or Universal Love, we use words that are comfortable for us. Labor for me has become something that sustains my luxury. It keeps my body in good physical shape and it feeds my soul like singing worship in a black church in Ypsilanti. I am good at labor, its one thing I was called here to do.
I love being barefoot outside as much as I can. When its cold out but the wood stove is kicking out heat, its feels wonderful to me to run out side, let my bare feet touch the earth for a few moments and then come inside for a nice pair of clean socks. For six or seven months of the year living a life that allows bare feet every day is a life of luxury. No sidewalks, no pavement, just the earth in all her lovely forms to walk upon, mud, grass, ankle high creeks.
I guess the food is one of the main reasons I feel luxury and extravagance in my everyday life. I love food. I love to eat. I'm a good eater. Physical labor goes well with an enjoyment of eating, they balance each other out. I am not talking about 'oh I had the best meal out at dinner last night'. The food here is amazing, as in nourishing, flavorful, and alive. I do feel qualified to describe food in this way. There was money in my life for a significant span of time and I have eaten at fine restaurants and shopped at quality, high end stores. This food is different. And I eat it every day. Every day, for every meal!
Bacon, how many days this week do I want to eat bacon? Just reach into the freezer and grab a package. Sugar. Just let the sugar lumps pour into a quart jar of kefir. Ice cream, oh the ice cream. As much as I can eat. Many times I sprinkle sugar on my ice cream as a topping. Cheese, oh good Lord the Cheese. Warm cheese curd, fried cheese curd, soft fresh cheese, soft older cheese, hard cheese, its all here. I can eat as much cheese as I want all day every day. OK so part of the luxury comes from my current understanding of human health. I know that the evil cholesterol they speak of is an illusion. I know that eggs and milk from this place are not even the same food as the eggs and 'milk' available to people who believe in cholesterol. I know that fat is what makes up the wall of each cell in my body. Each cell. So I need to eat some fat, and I do, unlimited amounts of fat. Because the fat from this food is fat in its pure, original form. Nourish, that's what the food here does for my body, it nourishes my body.
More than I realized, luxury does depend on one's point of view. It would be dangerous to eat all this glorious food while subscribing to western medical 'knowledge'. I believe it could make a person sick. So I stand in appreciation for my understanding of the perfect human body and the delicious food that has been abundantly provided to nourish that physical self.
I live an extravagant, luxurious life and I enjoy excellent physical health and I am so grateful!
Wednesday, March 27, 2019
commitment
Turns out, I am committed to a way of life. Society helped me believe that I would be committed to a man and our children and that would be the whole world. Not so. That is one way to live and I see it working for some people. They live their lives around work schedules for jobs that pay the bills.
Things turned out different for me and as I am noticing it and accepting it, I feel satisfied. Feeling satisfied in this life is a tremendous accomplishment and one I am proud of. Making a decision to experience contentment and satisfaction with circumstances around me has been liberating.
Here I am on this huge piece of land with a child and a grumpy old man that takes care of the big things. He put my name on the deed to this land. He gave me 120 acres. I feel it is rare and so special to have received a gift of land. A really big piece of land. And its beautiful here, I love it. I love living in Michigan and this place where I find myself settled is a fine example of Michigan beauty. There are hills and trees, wetlands, creeks, woods and open fields, all on a dirt road. I love living on a dirt road.
What I have here is freedom. Freedom from hangups and attachments to money that used to rule my life much more than I realized. Freedom from mirrors and caring about how I look. I do not go out in public much, maybe once a week. I love my hair and my coloring and my body and I feel satisfied with the labor I participate in every day. So when I go out I present a whole person who is not really interested in the latest fashion. I am comfortable in my clothes and not influenced by the media images that so many people take in multiple times a day. Freedom.
And I don't really expect anyone to understand this. I only understand it because I've made a decision to embrace this freedom. It is different, new and unique to my experience. Each person that truly experiences freedom will have their own story to tell.
The life style that I lead here lets me choose labor over working. Being free to develop my personal relationship with God with out pressure from social forces to behave a certain way in order to correctly represent a business. I believe it is possible to develop one's relationship with God under any circumstances and I really enjoy doing it here, raw. Labor instead of working means that there is no job that pays me money for my work. I labor to get the sugar I want. I could work a job and take the money earned to the store and buy sugar. Here, sugar means a month of labor. Carrying heavy buckets of sap quite a distance over uneven terrain. (Barefoot. Many days it is warm enough to do this barefoot. One of the top freedoms that I am committed to.) Gathering large amounts of firewood with hand saws. Finding small dead trees, cutting them down and sawing into pieces that can then be dragged or carried quite a distance back to the fire. All for sugar.
I love sugar, always have. This is the only sugar I'll eat all year. I don't buy processed food or drink at the grocery store. I eat what this place provides me with so the only sugar that goes in my body is the sugar my body directly labored for in the woods. This is how I am understanding my commitment. There is nothing I would rather be doing. It fulfills my soul. I feel honored beyond belief to receive the gift of sugar from mama earth. I am harvesting the abundance of what is offered and to me it is worship. I love sugar, the trees are offering and I am receiving. Its a beautiful relationship. That's what it is. I am committed to a relationship. I am married to the earth and I am committed to listening to her, learning from her, sharing my gifts with her and working together as a loving, seamless beautiful creative experience.
Things turned out different for me and as I am noticing it and accepting it, I feel satisfied. Feeling satisfied in this life is a tremendous accomplishment and one I am proud of. Making a decision to experience contentment and satisfaction with circumstances around me has been liberating.
Here I am on this huge piece of land with a child and a grumpy old man that takes care of the big things. He put my name on the deed to this land. He gave me 120 acres. I feel it is rare and so special to have received a gift of land. A really big piece of land. And its beautiful here, I love it. I love living in Michigan and this place where I find myself settled is a fine example of Michigan beauty. There are hills and trees, wetlands, creeks, woods and open fields, all on a dirt road. I love living on a dirt road.
What I have here is freedom. Freedom from hangups and attachments to money that used to rule my life much more than I realized. Freedom from mirrors and caring about how I look. I do not go out in public much, maybe once a week. I love my hair and my coloring and my body and I feel satisfied with the labor I participate in every day. So when I go out I present a whole person who is not really interested in the latest fashion. I am comfortable in my clothes and not influenced by the media images that so many people take in multiple times a day. Freedom.
And I don't really expect anyone to understand this. I only understand it because I've made a decision to embrace this freedom. It is different, new and unique to my experience. Each person that truly experiences freedom will have their own story to tell.
The life style that I lead here lets me choose labor over working. Being free to develop my personal relationship with God with out pressure from social forces to behave a certain way in order to correctly represent a business. I believe it is possible to develop one's relationship with God under any circumstances and I really enjoy doing it here, raw. Labor instead of working means that there is no job that pays me money for my work. I labor to get the sugar I want. I could work a job and take the money earned to the store and buy sugar. Here, sugar means a month of labor. Carrying heavy buckets of sap quite a distance over uneven terrain. (Barefoot. Many days it is warm enough to do this barefoot. One of the top freedoms that I am committed to.) Gathering large amounts of firewood with hand saws. Finding small dead trees, cutting them down and sawing into pieces that can then be dragged or carried quite a distance back to the fire. All for sugar.
I love sugar, always have. This is the only sugar I'll eat all year. I don't buy processed food or drink at the grocery store. I eat what this place provides me with so the only sugar that goes in my body is the sugar my body directly labored for in the woods. This is how I am understanding my commitment. There is nothing I would rather be doing. It fulfills my soul. I feel honored beyond belief to receive the gift of sugar from mama earth. I am harvesting the abundance of what is offered and to me it is worship. I love sugar, the trees are offering and I am receiving. Its a beautiful relationship. That's what it is. I am committed to a relationship. I am married to the earth and I am committed to listening to her, learning from her, sharing my gifts with her and working together as a loving, seamless beautiful creative experience.
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