Living Free

     I do not wear a mask.  I walked in to Kroger recently and the nice lady “guarding” the door called out, “you need a mask to shop in the store”.  I didn’t turn my head, I continued walking and called back, “I can’t wear one”.  I heard her reply, relieved, “ok, have a nice day”.  No problem.  

I walked in to the Dollar General in my little town and a nice young woman called out to me that they have masks if I need one.  I said no thank you and walked back to the toilet paper isle, which was nicely stocked for my shopping pleasure.  She found me later and politely offered, “the masks are free, you don’t have to buy one” to which I replied, “oh thank you, I can’t wear one”.  She nodded her masked face and gratefully retreated, kindly allowing me to continue shopping.  

I have gone in to gas stations, the local diner, an independent bakery, a party store along US 12, happily, confidently, without a mask.  Each of these establishments has had a large sign posted, right at eye level, with some version of the message, “According to the Governor’s order, you are REQUIRED to wear a mask”.  I walk right past the sign and into the business and conduct my errand as usual.  Most people don’t say anything to me and the few people who have said something have all seemed overwhelmingly relieved when I simply answer in a light, confident tone, “I can’t wear one”.  Done.  Case closed.  They did their job and received a reasonable answer, so its over.  

    I don’t wear a mask.  

I am writing this because of something a friend said the other day.  She is someone I respect and consider part of my tribe.  We were all talking about the “shut-down” and how it has affected us in our daily lives.  She mentioned that she puts a mask on “if she has to”, but otherwise does not participate in the "pandemic".  

I don’t wear a mask.  I know that I don’t have to wear a mask.  She doesn’t have to wear a mask either, no one does.  

    If people want to wear a mask then I know that they should wear one.  Each person should do what they are comfortable with.  It really irked me when this strong, independent woman said something about “having” to wear a mask.  I know there is a sign right there on the door that says to wear a mask.  I see the sign.  And I walk in to the store with out a mask and it is fine.  Because I am fine.  For a minute I thought about wearing one because I did not want to put the store clerks out.  Then I saw a diner that kindly posted if someone enters without a mask, they would assume we have a medical condition and not ask any questions.  That was my answer.  I don’t want to put the clerks out, but much more than that, I don’t want to put myself out.  I do want to live free and encourage others to do the same.  I can love the store employees by being honest and confident, loving myself.   

I am writing this for a few reasons.  I want to sort of brag about my success in living free.  It feels really good to make a decision and live by it.  Demonstrate my values with behavior.  Right from the very beginning I did not agree with wearing masks, I wrote about it back in March.  Again, if someone else wants to wear a mask, that is none of my business, you go right ahead and live free too.  But I feel triumphant when I go to the store to purchase a salt block for the cows and my simple errand turns into a public declaration of my personal values and beliefs.  I value my freedom.  I value my health.  I value my sense of personal authority over my own body.  I value living honest.  I disagree with the order to wear a mask so I don’t wear one.  I live what I believe and that feels so good.

I also want to encourage other people that may be feeling the same way and need someone in their corner.  When I walk around the store with my face free I make eye contact with people and let them know with my heart that they can do it too, if they want to.   Take it off, be yourself, stay true to what you believe, don’t compromise yourself, live free, you can do it, I’m doing it.  Wear one if you want, but don’t wear one and then complain about it.  That is dishonest and your own decision, it has nothing to do with what you’re "required" to do.   

I am writing this to share my experiences with people who may be wondering, what would happen if I just walked in here without a mask on?  Well, sweet love, I have done it many times, in many different establishments and I’m writing to let you know that it is ok.  The store clerks are kind and gentle and readily receive the simple statement that you can’t wear one.  You don’t have to make up an elaborate lie about some mysterious medical condition.  Just don’t wear a mask and feel confident about your decision and the store people will respond easily to your self assuredness.  You can bet they do not desire to have that thing on their face and they feel a little bit of glee to see someone walking around with a clear, free face.  Show your best self to the world, be the strong human that you are.  Walk past the sign at eye level declaring what you MUST do.  Do what you can do which is honor yourself, honor your integrity, do what you want to do, in Joy.  

The Blue Crate

Out in the milk house there are crates to sit on.  One is green with a bit of the plastic web broken, and one is a very pleasing shade of blue with all of the plastic

intact and holding firm when sat upon.  The green crate holds me but the cracked part
makes me a bit nervous and it is sort of a dull shade of green. 

 I prefer the blue crate.
        There are two rooms, or sections, of the milk house.  In the first
room sits the refrigerator, sink, water heater, and cooling tank.
Going through a door into the second section takes one into the space
where the cows stand in the stanchions and the child hangs out while
the cows are milked.   The child likes to sit on a crate during
milking time.  I like to sit on a crate while the cream is skimmed in
the refrigerator room.  I prefer the blue crate.  The child also
prefers the blue crate.
        The crates frequently move from one space to the other for various
reasons.  On more than one occasion when the child finds the green
crate to sit on, he will carry it in to the other room, and then carry
the blue crate back in to the milking space to sit on.  He prefers the
blue crate.  So he goes and gets it.  He knows I need to sit while the
cream is skimmed so he is courteous enough to supply me with the green
crate, but he gets the blue one.  He prefers the blue crate.
        This is my understanding of will forces.  From the time of just born
to the change of teeth, around age 7, humans are developing their will
forces.  Wanting to sit on the blue crate is one thing, but actually
going to get the crate displays well developed will forces.  The child
is going after what he wants.  That is beautiful to me. It really
is not important which crate I sit on but it is important that the child
develops the ability to chase after his desires.  So I bask in the
glory of the crate that I prefer being carried away.  I am honored to
sit on the ugly, broken, green crate because there is a child who knows
what he wants and has the gumption to go after it.
        This is part of the homeschooling process.  Providing an environment
that supports and encourages the development of the child’s will
forces.  We will learn abstract concepts like letters and numbers when
the child has reached that stage of human development, after the teeth
have begun changing.  For now, when someone asks if I have started homeschooling 

with the child, I always answer yes. 

"The child is influenced not by the uttered word but by the attitude of soul expressed, for instance, in the folding of the hands in reverence."

"Development of the child’s individual will forces is as important to education as the development of thinking capacities."  

Will (Force): This is the determination of an individual. It gives a person the strength to pursue completion of a task and the ability to follow through.

gumption - shrewd or spirited initiative and resourcefulness.

money freedom, its just a paradigm shift

     I want to write of my freedom from money as a gift to a friend.  Not sure if it will be received as a gift.  I want her to continue living out here and gaining freedom from money makes everything so much more pleasant.  I guess she could get a job and not need freedom because she’d have more money, but from what I’ve seen, its never the amount of money that is the real difficultly.  People seem to live as slaves to money, or free from it, whether they have plenty or just a little bit.  Turns out the whole question is not about money specifically, but about a paradigm.  

I have written about this a bit in the past.  I have learned the skill of harvesting maple sap and guiding its change into sugar.  Granulated sugar, mmmmmm.  I love sugar.  I could get a job and receive money for my hours worked, then travel to the store and purchase sugar.  That is what I used to do.  That is what I was taught to do.  That is what society showed me was the proper, acceptable way to live life.  Well, I read Laura Ingalls Wilder books when I was a kid and the idea of making sugar was firmly planted in my mind.  Making sugar and then eating great quantities of it, with a spoon.  Sure enough, the universe delivered to me a life that involves making my own sugar.  This life involves making and harvesting all of the food that I eat.  I could get a job and make money and then use that money to buy food.  But instead, I quit my job, gave up the money and made the choice to only eat what the good earth provides.  Freedom

OK so the kicker here is the paradigm.  I always sort of believed I could do anything.  That’s in my nature, to just go for it, what ever I happen to fancy.  I have never felt boxed in or limited in any significant way.  If I want something, I find a way to get it.  If I want to go somewhere, I go.  When I want to do something, I figure out a way and do it.   Money was never a limiting factor for me.  I have never had tons of money, but I’ve always had the basic understanding of numbers and the simple desire to honor the numbers, or live within my means.  I’m not sure why, because my brother who was raised in the same household with me, he lives his life differently.  So for some unknown reason, I spend less than what I have.  I look at the numbers and adjust my spending accordingly.  And at the same time, I have always felt unlimited.  I have had a fantastic, adventurous life, with the amount of money that I had.  I was a nurse and I worked with many other nurses and I knew how much money they made because we were all paid according to the Union scale of seniority.  There were many nurses who continually complained about not having enough money.  They lamented about oh, I wish I could do such and such and but its too expensive, I am broke.  

This was always so confusing for me.  I was working right along side these people, making the same amount of money, living a nice life and feeling unlimited.  This obviously was not about the money.  It was about choosing to live consciously and make decisions that allow dreams and desires to be fulfilled or to stay in old patterns of thought and continue experiencing a sense of limitation and lack of ability to fulfill ones desires.  From my father I learned, mostly just by being around him, a sense of fearlessness, a belief that I am powerful and I can do or have anything that I want.  Money is a tool that we use and with my paradigm I use the amount of money that I have.  Other people with the same amount of money, the same tool, follow their paradigm and use the tool poorly.  I don’t really understand it so I shouldn’t try to describe it.  To me its numbers, its simple.  I like numbers because they don’t move or change, they are reliable.  When I have twelve dollars in my wallet, I have twelve dollars.  That won’t ever change.   It won’t  suddenly change into four dollars or even forty dollars.  It will just sit in my wallet and be twelve dollars.  Until I do something with it.  If I spend it, then its not twelve anymore.  If I give some of it away, then its not twelve.  But I am the one that changes it from twelve to something else.  There is no mystery in it.  Its numbers.  I hear some people speak of money like it is a mystery and again that is a paradigm.  Keeping money mysterious allows the person to continue living in a sort of victim state.

  This is not about managing money.  Its about seeing oneself as powerful and intelligent and capable of living consciously and making choices that honor numbers for the stable friends that they are.  So I don’t know how to help someone learn to see themselves as powerful, to view the world through a new paradigm.  I want to help my friend because I can see that she in uncomfortable in the current state of helplessness.  So one thing that can really change this whole money issue is learning to cut expenses.  This involves living consciously and evaluating what exactly the money is being spent on and what one wishes the money could be spent on.  For me cigarettes is a good example of making a choice to live consciously, cut expenses, and honor the numbers.  

I enjoy smoking cigarettes and I have no intention of stopping.  In 2010 I quit my career that paid me over $50,000 a year and started following my heart to work on farms.  My monetary income was cut by 75%.  But I still wanted to smoke cigarettes.  A new farm friend had a rolling machine and I tried it out and smoked a home rolled ciggy.   It was fine.  In fact, as I smoked more home rolled cigs, I noticed that my cravings were less and overall I smoked fewer cigs, which was more comfortable for me anyways.  So I went to the store and bought myself a little machine, a big bag of tobacco and a box of tubes.  Then I did the math.  I love math, always have.  Thank God I was one of those nurses that wasn’t afraid of math.  Again, my dad taught me to live fearlessly and even though I was a girl, I fell in love with numbers, because I believe I can do anything.  

The cigarette math came out very clear.  Rolling my own cost a bit over $2 a pack.  Ok, that’s settled.  I made my choice.  I honor the numbers.  I make the conscious choice to roll my own and not live beyond my means by spending $8 on a pack and then smoking them faster than if they were home rolled.  This is offered simply as an example.  There are many ways to cut expenses once one decides to spend money consciously and honor the numbers.  

open letter to work out some ideas...

       Our friends wanted to purchase a large bull from this farm, but farm partner said the bull was not for sale because it is our food.  The friends are purchasing a baby bull and a teen age bull from here.  They want their cows to be bred immediately, and since they cannot buy it, they asked to rent the large bull.  The teenage bull they are purchasing from us will be able to breed their cows in less than 9 months.  From their perspective, renting the large bull is a reasonable request.  They evaluated their farm, made a decision about what they want and when they want it, then looked for a way to get what they want in the time frame that they desire.  This has presented a delicious situation to evaluate and these evaluations have brought much clarity and provided good opportunities to practice clear conversation. 

One thing I learned from farm partner is that he plans to load the large bull for our friends because people helped him out when he was a young farmer getting started.  I believe he sees his participation in this current situation as a sort of “pay-it-forward” arrangement.  

I also offer something to young farmers getting started.  I have gained some wisdom from living here for eight years.  One thing I have learned is the perspective of time.  Farming is slow.  Things happen easily when the humans play along nicely with mama earth.  When humans try to rush things or force things its just not as much fun and things become difficult.  I enjoy easy.   Offering my wisdom and my energy to other farmers involves making decisions about what I will or will not participate in.  

For example, my dear friend Kassie is starting her own homestead with the intention of producing healthy, natural food for her family.  I cannot say enough about how true this rings for me personally in my heart.  She is gathering information and making many decisions about her land and animals and plants.  In offering my wisdom and / or labor to this friend, I would enthusiastically help with, for example, fencing in a field for pasture.  I agree with the practice of fencing in a field and allowing animals to graze.  I would pound in posts and run wire and do what ever she asked me to do.  If, for example, this dear friend requested that I drive a tractor and disc her field, I would respectfully decline.  I would fully support her decision to have the field disced and I would not actually physically participate in that activity.  The perspective of time has taught me much respect for mother earth and what she is capable of.  I would offer that wisdom and not offer my labor for discing a field.  

To the friends that desire to have their cows bred right away, I offer wisdom of the perspective of time.  You are welcome to purchase bulls from here that we do not intend to eat.  Take those bulls to your farm and they will grow and they will breed your cows.  I do not offer my labor, my skill, in loading the large bull into a stock trailer for a rental arrangement.  

My experience of this situation is that I am choosing to live my values.  I will participate in things that I am comfortable with.  I enjoy living on a farm and eating animals and plants that share this particular piece of Mother Earth.   I do not care to eat an animal that grazes on not-lush pasture, 90 miles away from my home.   I enjoy living my life in a way that continually depends less and less on fossil fuels.  I do not care to eat an animal that has traveled 180 miles in a stock trailer.  I currently depend on fossil fuels to run the machines that make the hay and keep the freezers cold.  I do not wish to then add the dependence on fuel for a truck to pull a trailer 180 miles down the road.  

If our friends’ farm was going to close and be sold if they did not get this bull from us now, I would gladly rent the bull to them.  But that is not the case.  

It is wise to just rest and let things be easy.  

Using a risk / benefit analysis works well for me in making decisions.  

As our bulls live here on our farm, there is a slight risk that they could die and we would be unable to harvest the meat for our food. 

If a bull leaves this farm there is a slight risk that the animal could die, and that risk although still slight, is much greater than if the animal were to remain home. 

Traveling 180 miles down the road comes with risks that are not present while just grazing on home pasture.  

There is a risk that enough fuel will not be available when it is time to drive the bull home.   

What benefit does this farm receive sending the large bull away for a number of months?  

From my perspective, any benefit is far outweighed by the risks that would be introduced to an otherwise simple, comfortable situation.  

I love you guys and I offer my wisdom and my integrity.  Thank you for the opportunity to gain much clarity and move forward on this joyous journey of life.  

     I remain respectful and non-judging regardless of what you and miguel decide to do.  I will participate with my labor as I am comfortable with.  

Thank you again for this opportunity.  Much love, kari

clear communication satisfaction

     Clear communication is very satisfying for me.  Clarity in my thinking is satisfying and so rewarding when it happens.  There are many common phrases in our current language that are not clear for me and in fact, shift the focus onto the opposite of the statement's intention.  

“Don’t lose that”. 

“Be careful”

“Get back”

“Stop it”

“Clean up”

It has been very satisfying for me to uses phrases with the child that feel clear.

     He knows how to “keep track of it” when he is holding something like the buggy key or a few dollars for the church offering plate.  I feel so fulfilled knowing that my 4 year old child can be trusted to hold things that he wants to hold.  He feels like a big boy and enters into a trust relationship with me when he is allowed to participate in so many aspects of our life.  He doesn’t “lose” things because we are not focused on things being “lost”.  We focus on paying attention and “keeping track” of important things.  (I don’t really know what “keep track” means or where that phrase originated, but it seems to work.)

While he climbs tall metal, broken stock trailers, I am able to relax because I trust that he will stay alert.  I don’t ever say be careful because I’m not real sure what that means and it implies fear and avoiding some unknown danger.  I like him to know that he has the ability to interact safely with his environment, always.  The first time he told me what he wanted to do, he was sort of asking if I thought he could do it and if it was safe.  I said ok, yes, you can climb up on the roof of that thing.  He was quite excited.  As I walked away down the lane to get the cows for milking, I turned around and faced him and said, “stay alert”.  He stopped climbing and asked, “for it breaking?”.  I said Yes.  (Always affirm when possible.)  “Yes, listen for sounds of cracking.  Also be aware of things that are smooth and things that might be sharp and pointy.”  He agreed, continued climbing, and I walked on down the lane, confident in his ability and basking in the glory of his enjoyment of Life.  It feels so good to communicate clearly with another human.  

Being around 800 lb animals every morning during milking time was something I wanted to handle really well right from the beginning so that Mateo was always safe and he always felt safe.  I also wanted him to enjoy the animals and feel the loving bond we share with them.  I never told him to be careful around the animals.  I feel that would imply an unseen, scary danger that he somehow needs to avoid but doesn’t quite know how to.  I also never told him to get back when he’s too close to a cow.  That is not really clear and it feels scary in my heart.  I did feel scared sometimes when we were around the cows but I didn’t want to focus on that and I wanted Mateo to focus on and develop the skills necessary to stay safe around the cows.  Working with cows asks one to stay alert and be aware.  Just be gently conscious of where they are, where they are headed, who is behind them that may change the situation.   It felt good to focus on his control, his ability to act.  So I use the phrase “give her some space”.  When I think he’s too close to a cow he knows that he can “give her some space”.  That is always his option.  He doesn’t need to try and figure out what get back means, how far back, where do I go?  He knows that in any moment he has the power to give something space so he is always safe.  Especially because he is staying alert.  

(All for now)

I'm glad that you know what you want.

     Friends of ours gave a toy to Mateo the other day.  They showed the toy to me first and asked if it was ok, which was nice.  It was not anything I would ever buy for him but I don’t buy him much anyways.  I know that we each create our own reality and that he is a powerful creator.  If he wants a certain toy, he will manifest that toy.  There are an infinite number of ways for our desires to be fulfilled.  It has been so easy being “a mom” knowing that when the child asks me for something, he is making his desire known clearly to the Infinite Universe and I don’t need to even think about what he asked for.  I can simply celebrate his clarity, celebrate that he is a being with strong desire, his desire creates expansion and that means he is moving the world forward, he is fulfilling his purpose for coming here.  I trust the Universe to listen and provide the child with what ever it is that he may need or want.  Sometimes the Universe uses me to fulfill his desire, sometimes it uses friends of ours, or a total stranger.  That is the beauty of infinity.  There are an infinite number of ways for our desires to be satisfied so I don’t even need to imagine how things will come about.  The Infinite Universe will organize things.  

     Knowing all of this for the child, I have been saying to him his entire life, “you are a powerful creator, you are good at manifesting, It’s good to know what you want, I’m glad you know what you want, I believe that will come to you and there are an infinite number of ways that it can happen”.  I wanted to get the language in early, about infinity, knowing what one wants, clarity.  I never talk about money with him.  Money works and it is part of infinity but it is a very small part of our life.  There was that natural tug in the beginning when I desperately wanted to fulfill his every desire, answer his every whim.  But it was quickly replaced by my own awe of the Universe.  From the very first times he was able to verbally ask and declare his desires, I acknowledged him and celebrated with him.  But I shifted the focus from the physical getting of the thing to the appreciation of the thing, to the joyous feeling of desire, to the eager anticipation and wonder of how the Creative Infinite Universe will bring that to you.  I think he generally responds the way any kid would, "just get it for me mom and stop talking all this woo-woo".  But his heart hears my Love and awe of the Universe.  I am celebrating the Laws of the gentle universe that we live in and his inner being recognizes that.  For sure I am not feeling guilty that I won’t go buy him that toy, so he is spared of that yuck feeling.  Tending to my own vibration in situations like these offers him the greatest gift available, he sees that my greatest priority, even over his own happiness, is my own connection to Love.  And that connection is best maintained through appreciation, not through manifestation.  Sure getting the toy is great, but the journey to the toy is the real fun.  Thinking about the toy and feeling what it will be like to have it, feeling eager for the experience of having it, trusting and letting go and knowing that the Infinite, Creative, Kind Universe will bring the toy, feeling joyful that I am alive and filled with desire, appreciating the clarity of my desire.  All of it!  

     So our friends gave him this large plastic transforming robot thing named “Grim Lock”.  Its pretty awful by my standards.  What is overwhelmingly beautiful, beyond description, is the joy Mateo expresses.  Its been days now and that toy has not left his person.  He inspects it and loves it and learns how it works and exclaims each new discovery and he hugs it and he makes it hug pastor John at church.  He demonstrates the pure appreciation of a child.  He shows me where to return to.  He helps me remember what has been covered up in my life. He helps me pull back the veil to reveal my pure appreciation, my true, Loving heart.  

long view

       One of my favorite life memories, the good times, was riding around in Big Dave’s truck.  He’d light up a joint and drive about 14 mph looking at trees and birds and talking with me.  I learned a life lesson about the long view from those drives.  Dave would always point out the big, really old trees.  He’d say how old they probably were, some around 400 years old.  He commented about the Long View.  People around here can tend to be short sighted, but this tree, it has seen so many humans come and go, houses built and fall down in neglect.  The trees speak to us of time and how it doesn’t matter, things change. Just enjoy where you are today, enjoy the view, be kind and generous to the birds, offer shade and maybe a few nuts to a friend.  Make some beautiful music when the wind blows through your leaves.

Laura Ingalls Wilder’s books about her early life also influenced my understanding of what can happen during this Long View.  I loved those stories of how she lived in the woods in a cabin built by her pa.  I wanted to live like that, out in nature all the time, receiving everything I needed directly from the earth.  When I got older I did the math and realized that she was still alive when my own pa was just a boy.  She was an old woman by then, but it put her life in a time frame I was able to grasp.  The world had changed immensely in an amount of time that I could measure by two lifetimes.  So it was possible!  If it changed that much from log cabin to TV’s and cars, then it could change back.  The world could return to the woods and maybe someday I can live like my hero.  That idea has shaped my entire life.

      Now there is a child in my life and I have had to make decisions about things like candy and TV and flying in airplanes.  It is necessary for me to be comfortable with my decisions.  I refuse to let him eat candy while I feel bad about it.  I will not allow him to watch videos on the computer while resenting the whole situation.  Peace was made in my mind partly by accepting that many of these things may not be available for his entire life.  

One of my favorite stories I tell in my head is about how Mateo will captivate his grandchildren with stories from his own youth, stories about things that can only be imagined because they have disappeared from our culture.  I like saying yes to the child and I want to say yes with love and enthusiasm, not guilt and a split heart.  I want Mateo to mean what he says and so I must always mean what I say.  When I say yes, you can have that, it has to be with a true heart, with a firm decision that I am comfortable with.  I don’t think parades with fire trucks and candy tossed out at the children will be happening when Mateo has grandchildren and so I want him to enjoy those now and be a kid now and have fun and then when its gone he will remember and  laugh and tell stories to people who can’t even imagine what his life was like.  

He also loves to play in water and I love watching him just let the faucet run and run and run.  There may not be running water when he’s older so might as well give him space to enjoy life now.  And I thankfully let go of the idea that he’s “wasting water”.  That’s impossible once you understand the water cycle.  We have a high pressure hose in the basement for washing the stainless steel milk equipment.  I love to watch him command that thing.  He loves to spray and I love that he loves.  He is so good at enjoying life and has allowed me to practice letting go and come along side him to remember how to enjoy life. 

      It feels good to look at Mateo and see a man, a human with his own mind.  Those trees taught me the long view and I want to honor this child by treating him with the respect he deserves.  It doesn't matter, things are always changing.  The important thing is to have fun and enjoy each moment that you have.  Decide what you're comfortable with and then do that.  Trees decide where to grow and then they grow there, in that spot, never moving, for 400 years.  I want to be that sure, that comfortable.  So I am.