Update from community

 Arrived 6pm Monday evening, 10/2/2023.  Settled into our temporary basement dwelling by making the bed with our own cozy blankets and pillows.  Welcomed in to the large kitchen table with wooden, mismatched chairs and a delicious home cooked meal.  Mateo played in the basement with new friends while I hand milked Princess the cow.  Fell in to bed about 9pm and slept peacefully.  

     Tuesday brought hand milking Princess while the other two cows were milked with a machine.  Wasn’t time to finish Princess by hand so she was emptied by the machine.  Then Mateo joined the “Roots and Shoots Farm School” that gathers here two days a week this fall.  He participated with the “Thistle” group, about 10 children ages 7 to 9, until 3pm.  I focused on settling in to our personal space in the top off the red cabin.  I swept the plywood floor and wiped it all down with a wet cloth to clear the dust.  It’s a lovely space with a few useful pieces of furniture and a nice rug.  I like being up high in the trees.  Jack lives in the bottom of the red cabin and he carried the mattresses from the house basement across the property to our space upstairs.  

      Towards the end of Farm School, I joined the kids outside for their snack time, enjoying the apple crisp they had made.  By then, two different teachers had commented to me how nice it was to have Mateo in class and that he was joining in easily and enjoying himself.  He confirmed all this when I finally saw him on the playground next to the house.  During the day, he had earned a toy and was happily in love with his new ball, tossing it around and kicking it through the grass.  Now we use the ball in our own homeschool “movement” session, playing catch together.

     With the kids clear from Farm School, I drove my van back to the red cabin and carried load after load of belongings up the sturdy outside stairs to our loft.  Jack was busy making a nice window in the door to allow more light and air into the space.  It felt great to unpack and nest, putting the small table by the window for Mateo’s lego play and setting up our candles and reading light for bedtime.  It was a busy day but I felt like on our first full day here, we could relax and settle into our new home, know where all our things were, and just feel secure and loved.  

     Wednesday morning, well its all beginning to blur together already.  Laura and I have talked quite a bit, mostly in the kitchen.  She is kind, smart, curious, secure in herself, open, organized, and makes a lot of wonderful things happen.  She is pleasant to be around.  Mateo loves Eli, her 10 year old, the best.  They have spent hours together playing boy things.  There’s a huge maple tree just outside the kitchen window and there aren’t any branches until about 10 feet up, but the boys use a rope and pulley to haul themselves up into the branches and it is pure joy to do dishes at the kitchen sink while watching my son play with a bunch of kids up high in a  loving tree.  There are a bunch of other kids, some older, and some younger and its just a pack of children running about and enjoying their life.  There’s a family in the brown cabin back here by our red cabin and they have little 3 year old David who is part of the pack.  Both M & her husband A are easy to get along with and have been helpful and kind as the two new people have arrived. 

     There are chickens and ducks wandering about, a pack of dogs, and a stall of puppies that won’t be separated from mama until the 15th.  I told Mateo he needed to put on different clothes for sleeping and he agreed because he happily explained to me how he had laid down on his back, in the puppy stall and let them crawl all over him.  I love hearing about his day.  We’ve had our own homeschool sessions here in the red cabin Wed and Thursday and that has felt grounding and inspiring.  He’s playing the recorder now instead of the piano.  We’re continuing with his “Life of Fred” math books, which we both Love.  He’s doing narration now from the Charlotte Mason book I looked at and we still do movement and drawing every day.  He’s so smart, reading the sentences in the math book.  This place is great for him.  And for me.

https://stonegardenfarm.com  

papa

papa feels powerless:

Law of Attraction

"Everyone that’s in a power struggle, has cut themselves off from their true power.

The leverage is in alignment, (with your Inner Being or God, Source Energy).

You can join the ranks of the masses who are not thinking about that kind of empowerment, who are really just fighting it out with each other, but

They are really a weak bunch, trying to prove who is the most powerful.

Everyone who is fighting that battle is comparatively really weak.  

It’s why they get so mean, because they really

Feel powerless

Because they’re working against the true nature of the Universe. 

 

No one can overpower me because my connection, my power is just between me and my

Inner Being, between me and God.  It doesn’t have anything to do with anybody else."   

  Driving from the  Bryan, OH Amtrak station to Austin Road, mateo and I talked about what we wanted.  He said he wanted to visit with papa today, spend the night on Austin Rd, maybe at papa's or maybe with me at the farm house, then leave together with me tomorrow, Tuesday back to Muckle Rd.  Mateo said he wanted to come back to spend a long time with papa in the future.  I agreed and said ok, good.  He was clear and easy about it.  He was looking forward to spending time with his cousin Isaac and his friend James back up north by Muckle Road.  

    I told mateo I just wanted to get things clear with him before we talked with papa.  I shared that I was nervous about papa writing a note and taping it to the door again, telling me to return to Muckle Road by myself and we could talk later.  That's what papa did the day mateo and I were meant to get on the train to go to NY.  Miguel wrote a note and taped it to the door of his house, telling me that he and mateo went for a walk in the woods and I "should go to NY by myself, and we could talk upon my return".  So I told mateo that in case papa tries to keep him here, telling me to go on by myself, I wanted to be clear about what mateo wanted to do so I could support him in pursuing his own desires, and not be "taken for a walk in the woods" with a note telling his mama to go on by herself.

Mateo seemed to understand my concern and said, "I won't do that again mama".  I told him thank you and also that he, mateo, had done nothing wrong.  His papa wrote the note.  His papa taped it to the door.  His papa took him on a walk in the woods while his mama was left looking at a piece of paper that said "Go to New York by yourself.  We can talk when you get back."  I told mateo he's just a kid and the adults should be able to work this all out.  

So the plan was, Mateo visit with his papa Monday and Tuesday, then mateo and Kari leave Austin Road together on Tuesday and return to Muckle Road.  

I explained this plan slowly and clearly to miguel upon our arrival, calmly, after they had hugged and had plenty of time to greet each other.  

miguel started talking about, "well, you just had him for 3 weeks", "he'll stay here tonight and then we can talk tomorrow about what's going to happen".

I told mateo that papa was not accepting the plan and that I was scared he would try to keep mateo again with another note taped to the door, so it was best for us to just leave now.  Mateo got in the car, miguel started opening car doors, I tried to block miguel from touching the vehicle, which is not mine, I am borrowing it from a good friend.  I tried to get in the car and miguel opened the passenger door and pulled my backpack out onto the ground, he reached for my purse, he had his hand on the door.  I crawled over the passenger seat and leaned down and grabbed my backpack, miguel caught hold of the handle of the bag with his left hand and punched me in the face with his right hand, closed fist.  Not as hard as he has hit me in the past.  I got my bag back in the car and miguel kept pressure on the passenger door, keeping it open.  I heard mateo say "stop it papa" and miguel said "I am stopping.  She's getting physical with me". I started screaming as loud as I could and he let go of the vehicle and backed away.  I started the car and backed out of the driveway in a safe, controlled manner.  

Mateo said "I told papa to stop and he didn't stop and he said he was stopping".

I'm glad that's over.

All is well

 We did it.

We lived in community for 4 weeks.  Happily.  Joyfully.  We made friends.  Memories.  Mateo and I participated, learned, and explored.

I poured my heart into each moment and it was intentional.  Practice living intentional, regardless of the conditions.  I worked hard and did a really good job because that's who I am.  I wasn't trying to impress anyone and gain an invitation to come.  It felt good to fulfill myself by working well and working hard and having fun and being kind and bringing light.

I am completely satisfied.

and I can see that I'm a bit lazy.  I got here and settled in and just relaxed.  M mentioned just now, the day before we leave, that "the process" is to come here and visit, and then leave for awhile. Allow both sides to sit with it and discern whether or not we'd fit together.  Of course.  That makes sense.  The day before we leave.  It didn't occur to me during the four weeks we were here.  And no one said it to me until this morning, and she's just a friend, just a level headed person, not in the "decision making team".  Thank you M.  When I applied to live at the community in the Ozarks 3 years ago, they told me the same thing.  You must visit us, and then leave.  Then a decision will be made.  Of course.  Seeing that so clearly now, I could have gone to visit the other Camphills during this 4 weeks, but I didn't.  I was just coasting along, enjoying our time in Copake.  Now it's time to return to Michigan and I never went to Triform or the other villages.  Well, I trust the Universe and I have no regrets.  I know that things are always working out for me and I am on my path.  I wanted to live in community and I got what I wanted.

A person I had an informal interview with here at Copake told the house father I've been staying with to tell me, that my application will be reviewed again in 6 months and if I am still interested in living here, they will consider me.  Which is reasonable.  The communication could have been more clear and open, but I know it's just a reflection of what I'm attracting in my life.  I want to attract more courteous, direct communication.  When I get what I don't want, it's easier to know what I do want. 

Michigan, here we come.  Home again.  Full of Love.  Richer for this experience. 

beyond reason

     Looking for, seeking community, applied to The Fellowship Community.  Follow-up phone call one week later led to scheduling an interview for July 4th, over Zoom.  Never used Zoom before and shifted focus away from resistance to ask for help from good friends and just set it up.  Easy.  Phone rings one hour before scheduled interview to say that it's cancelled.  "But if you're ever in the area, stop by and visit us."  Those words lit up like a neon sign.  Need to drive 300 miles south to pick up mateo from his dad's, and the Amtrak train is only 25 miles from there, so why not just hop on and head east to New York?  Just show up at The Fellowship to follow my dream.  So clear the whole time while completing the application and making travel arrangements, even if this place isn't the right one, I KNOW I am on my path.  Move forward, pursue my heart's desire.  

    Neighbors around The Fellowship offer housing to visitors and many replied not available to my request.  Stayed focused on moving forward, trusting, and basking in the abundance of this beautiful world.  Building a garden with niece Andrea and Crystal provided physical labor to clear and energize.  Casual comment from Andrea led to renting a camper for housing and a million layers of resistance lifted off my heart like dandelion fluff blowing in a gentle breeze.  That's when the call came.  

Elena

    Yes she can offer us a nice place to stay within walking distance to The Fellowship.  Yes she's from NY City and tells us which train to take out of the City.  Yes she will pick us up and take us the remaining 20 miles back to her house.  Yes she has cats.  We love cats.  Elena.  Yes she's a wealth of information about The Fellowship and other Waldorf communities and so many other things we should investigate, people we should meet.  Yes.  Kindness.  Generosity.  Abundance.  

    Left Austin Rd.  Sunday evening to a hotel in Holiday City.  Fell asleep before 9pm.  Drove to Bryan, OH for the Amtrak at 1:30 am.  Arrived in NY City at 6:45 pm Monday evening.  Walked a few blocks to our sweet little Air BnB apartment.  Walked back outside and he saw the tallest building, we bought tickets for the top of the Empire State building.  Ate a large soft pretzel and an ice cream from street vendors.  Bought bandages and fixed up his knee from a running incident back at one of the Amtrak train stations.  Went up to the observation deck of the Empire State in the dark, with so many city lights blazing.  He loved all of it.  Up to the 108th floor in the glass elevator.  Once in a lifetime.  Bought a sweet lego set of the Empire State for a souvenir.  Carried tired boy piggy-back several blocks home to our clean, air-conditioned, safe little room in New York City.  We rocked it.  

    Staying with Elena for a few days, meeting with the Fellowship and feeling sure it is not the right fit for us.  Clarity feels good after 3 1/2 years of wondering.  Elena invites us to stay the weekend, change our train ticket, just come meet some of her friends, explore the Hudson Valley with her.  She's playing her violin in a concert and wants us to accompany her.  Yes.  Then no.  Then Yes again.  Maybe.  Then I told her no on the day we were meant to leave.  She casually shared so much more and some things again about why we should come with her to the  Hudson Valley.  Yes.  Change the train ticket, no charge.  Yay!  

    Meet so many people, see so many wonderful places.  Then Sunday evening at Mettabee we met Tave and Rose.  Within 1/2 an hour I had accepted the invitation to stay with them in the cabin behind their house, Tamarak, in Camphill Copake Village.  And here we remain until Tuesday... and if my application to become a live-in co-worker is accepted, this is home.  

https://camphillvillage.org/village-life/work-lifesharing/

April up North

     Follow the child to the woods.  Mama, come see the leeks, so much bigger than a few days ago.  Oh yum, snap off a bit of bright green leaf and pop it in my mouth.  Explosion of flavor, nourishing the soul with deep woods energy.  Gather a basket and the new digging tool, a gift from the loving man that invited and shares life with us here at the end of our dead end road.  Return to the steep slope and find our bodies perilously perched in position to dig beauty from the earth.  How does our life continue to flow in such magical ways?  Living Loved turns out to be a wonderful way to Live.

    Build a fence to release the cows out into a hilly, wide pasture.  Gather roll after roll of nice barbed wire, carefully wound up years ago, for just such a time as this.  Weather turns warmer and snow melts away as April comes and moves along like the sun in the sky.  Feet are bare now, tender on the dry, pokey earth.  Walk slowly, feeling the soft winter soles evolving into spring hooves, in eager anticipation of the coming summer and fall.  Fence work provides the labor that I love.  Clean up old fence posts and barbed wire from this pasture, all the same work as harvesting material for the new pasture.  Double bonus labor tops all other kinds.  Walking long distances, carrying heavy materials, and exposing skin to sun and wind awakens my body to the freshness of spring.  Focusing on project details and summoning courage to make decisions, clears the mind and feeds the love fire in my heart.  All this labor for milk that feeds the body and a relationship with cows that extends beyond limited human understanding.  

my offer, again

     What a great morning.  Muckle Rd. :   standing at the wood cook stove stirring the pot of maple goo as it bubbles and moves towards sugar, flute music playing in the background, lovely incense burning to delight our noses, you joyfully follow guidance to feed the sourdough starter.  Gather measuring cups and fill one cup of water, one cup of flour, then add one cup of starter.  Stirring your jar of flour goo, you comment that stirring feels easy on the top and not near the bottom.  In answer to your question, I offer that sticky may come from the starter, or the dry flour not being mixed completely yet.  You stir and observe the contents through clear glass of the jar and decide the dry flour needs to be mixed and yes, now the spoon moves easily through the starter and its breakfast.  I enjoy your company.  You are fun and light hearted, playful, you listen well, and more importantly, you can look at a task and make decisions about what needs to be done.  Empty the new flour bag into the flour jar, use the wide mouth funnel, clear the table now to prepare for the sugar pot that is almost done with it’s hot time on the stove.  Now you gather a towel and place it on the chair back, place hot pads and sugar bowl on chair seat, and then you stand clear, cheering, as I dump the freshly granulated sugar into the bowl, hot pot bottom resting against the towel.  Things just flow.  We are such a great team.  

Now it’s time to sit and eat as much sugar as we want.  You exclaim joyfully over each beautiful lump, holding up flat ones for a special celebration.  We both love the flat lumps and you offer one to me, sharing from your generous, abundant heart.  I love you.  You’re such a good friend.  

Now we’re at the library together, I’m typing, writing to celebrate and soothe my soul.  You’re looking at book four of a wonderful graphic novel series we’ve been reading together lately.  I cherish every moment with you.

The other day, you called your papa, as you do when ever you desire.  After a bit, you got a weird look on your face and seemed confused, and told me that you thought papa wanted to speak to me.  I said ok and stepped outside.  Papa asked if I wanted to negotiate an agreement so you can visit him.  I said yes.  Papa explained, again, that he wants you to leave me and go spend time with him at Austin Rd.  I told papa, again, that I replied to that request, in writing.  He said a bunch of stuff about me being a bully, and how the judge will see things differently than I do.  I told him to have someone read him what I wrote and explain it to him, because I was not going to be able to help him understand with this verbal exchange, what I had already written down.  He said in what I wrote, I did not offer anything to move towards a visit.  I said that my offer was clearly stated.  Papa replied that I did not offer anything, that I did not say what would happen if things were “cleared up”.  

 March 13, 2023, public blog post:

  “I have asked a few times for papa and this person to clear up the issue so that we can move forward with you visiting papa, …”

  (Emphasis added).    

“I am not going to allow my child to spend time away from me, with a person that creates this situation of threat and accusation, and then refuses to clean it up.  It could be cleaned up.”

 https://teetsforpeace.blogspot.com/2023/03/yes.html 

    So I’m writing all this down again, and posting it in a public place, just to give my heart some ease and rest.  Papa said I was forcing him to go the legal route and he doesn’t want to, but because I haven’t offered anything, he has no choice.  He told me names of 3 people that, he said, will testify.  I just want you to know Mateo, and I want to be able to remember, when you read this for the first time, (in 20 years,) what happened and why I made the choices I did.  I trust you.  I trust my relationship with God and where we are being led.  I am eager to continue living life with you.  I imagine this whole scenario could be the healing push that moves your papa towards some balance and the beginning of a life-giving relationship between you two.  It also feels good to imagine that he will develop relationships with his daughter Hanna and her children, and possibly even his oldest daughter Audrey.  

Yes

 I have made my decision.  I am a good mother.

Dear Mateo

You can spend the weekend at your cousins’ house with Andrea and Chuck and their 5 children.  You will not leave your mother and travel to Austin Rd with papa.

I have made a decision to live at Muckle Rd.  This is our home now.  We left our home of Austin Rd and now we are building a new home.  We have each other and our ever evolving relationship, and we are building relationships with Mark, and the land where we live, the hills and the creek and the dogs and Uncle Joe next door and the Volvo and the homeschool group and Awana and the Library and Lake Michigan...  This is our home now.  I love our home on Austin Rd and I always will, AND we can hold Austin Rd in Love while we move forward and develop our life at Muckle Road.  

Your Freedom is a priority to me and together, we have found many ways to support and allow and encourage your Freedom in our daily lives.  At 7 years old it is easy for you to understand why I have guided you away from touching the hot stove and playing around an open fire.  You can easily understand and sense the danger in touching a hot stove and in allowing play that leads to falling near an open fire.  When you read this letter, many years from now, I believe you will at least respect my clear, firm decision to keep you physically with me, not allowing you to travel and spend time with papa away from your new home.

At this current time, your papa continues to offer behavior demonstrating dishonesty.  He is not a bad person, but he has chosen to not examine his behaviors, thus continuing unhealthy habits that have developed over the years.  I am not going to allow you to spend time with a person I can’t trust, even if it is your papa. 

Papa talks about me in such a way that one person he chooses to spend a great deal of time with, sent me a text message, threatening to call the police, accusing me of 6 specific illegal activities.  This text message, and papa’s ongoing relationship with this person, demonstrates the way papa feels about me and what he believes should happen to me.  He tells people that I have committed illegal activity and I should have the authorities involved to punish me for my behavior.  I have asked a few times for papa and this person to clear up the issue so that we can move forward with you visiting papa, free of the idea he raised about me being accused and turned in to the police.  Papa and his companion have both refused to acknowledge the text message.  I am not going to allow my child to spend time away from me, with a person that creates this situation of threat and accusation, and then refuses to clean it up.  It could be cleaned up.  

Text message from papa’s companion to me:

"you have abandon a property -- which is illegal.

Take a child away from their father without consent -- illegal.

You have made threats against peoples lives -- illegal.

What you are doing to Miguel is extortion, elderly abuse and straight up theft ... taking all the money from the cows -- from his herd.  

You are out of line and I hope you step foot back in hillsdale county.  

I pray for Mateo's safety.  If he had a SS# I would already called the cops & so would many others.  You are not in control here.  "

A friend that supported you in your new life might mail you the Legos that were left behind at Austin Road.  A balanced person would celebrate with you where you now live and support your mother in her decision to create a loving home for you.  I really wish you had all your Legos and the instruction books for all the fun sets you have built.  You have a lot of people who love you and have rained down gifts upon you.  It would be wonderful if papa would accept your new home and celebrate with you by sending along some of the physical toys you enjoy so much.  

Until then, we will move forward with what we have, continuing to feel appreciation for what has gone before.