Hot cup of tea

  Hot cup of tea.  Feels like luxury.  Nourishing.

I have had warm tea and it is good, but a hot cup of tea feels luxurious.  

I took the time to make a space in my day that allows the hot cup of tea to be savored, enjoyed, sipped while sitting down,

Gazing out the window at the early morning light decorating a winter sky.  

Hot cup of tea.  

You are not something my body needs, like my mouth needs a good brushing in the morning, to feel good.  

You, my hotness, you are something I want.  I want to lavish myself with Love early in the morning and this hot cup of tea

fills that desire.  

Pick the place, seat cushions, coaster, pen and notebook or chair at table with computer, good lighting,

Oooohhhhh a candle!  

Yes, hot cup of tea wants a candle to partner in providing lavish luxury to this particular beautiful woman.

Yes, sitting in the morning quiet house with a candle flickering against the cup of hot tea in my hand.  

I am loved. 

  There is perfection.  

It is my choice.  

ticking clock

  The ticking of a clock 

Wind chimes singing in a gentle breeze

Leaves moving in the wind, 

calling down to me from their place so high up, 

branches reaching towards the sky. 

The sky

bright brilliant BLUE filling my eyes,

broken only by white pure puffy clouds 

that hang and float

as if they own the expanse of sky that holds them. 

Bright pure white against deep, penetrating blue. 

The branches rattle their leaves calling my eyes up

 to drink in the vast blue love that shines down 

On me, 

way down here on the ground,

 on the earth.  

This magnificent earth that holds me, 

supporting my feet as I walk across a little piece of her.  

Walking across the yard to the barn

 my feet carry me across the earth, 

who holds the barn and the cows as we all are covered 

by the loving blanket of the sky.  

Sitting in the quiet morning house, 

listening to a ticking clock, 

hearing wind move chimes to create beautiful music 

that fills up a space so well, 

a space that reaches hungrily,

accepting beauty as all it will ever need.  

homeschool

 Mateo and I had skool together 3 days this week and 3 days last week.  It feels grounding and intimate when we have skool.  A nice routine has developed.  After morning milking, when I’m done with the straining and washing, I head upstairs to the farm house kitchen.  Mateo is usually playing with Eli and Eammon in the house somewhere.  Mateo gently resists being interrupted from his friends, but does come and sit at the table for breakfast.  This morning he had a baked potato with loads of butter and a bit of salt, and a whole onion cooked well in butter and salt.  I sit next to him, drink tea with milk, and color with crayons.  I love coloring with crayons.  There are usually 2 to 4 kids of various ages wandering around and Laura and Jim are in and out of the kitchen.  It’s a crowded, chaotic, pleasant environment.  

     Wash some dishes then walk across the property together out to the little red cabin and up the stairs to our space in the trees.  Mateo plays with toys while I make the beds.  Today I sat in our skool space and read while he worked on a lego project.  I like him to initiate our skool time because then the experience is smooth and pleasant and it feels good knowing that he joins under his own will forces.  He came and sat next to me and the candle was lit, which has always been our routine to indicate that skool time has begun.

     Mateo goes first, sharing out loud at least 3 things that he appreciates.  Today he says, “ball, all my legos, Doug (a stuffed dragon), and Eli”.  Then it’s my turn to share what I appreciate and this feels good to go inside to stillness and bask in the abundance of my life.  Today as usual, among other things, I name Mateo and his joy, enthusiasm and willingness to explore our world.  I close with “Namaste”, open my eyes and sit peacefully.  Mateo goes to the music basket and brings back the tin whistle, recorder, and music books.  I love that I just sit there quietly and he goes to get the music supplies.  It feels good to imagine he’s doing what he wants to do, under his own power, no words required.  Seems like I’m doing a good job at this homeschool stuff if my kid is willingly participating.  I want to do a good job.  It’s all about balance.  Right now as I’m writing this at 7:30 at night, he’s on the couch watching Eli play a video game that involves machine gun fire and vehicles chasing each other.  Earlier today, after skool and lunch, Mateo and Eli and little brother Eammond were outside chasing each other, running around the property in the beautiful fall weather.  I am comfortable with the balance in his life.

Mateo plays the song he ended with yesterday, London Bridges, on the tin flute.  He has good control of the tone at times and can finger the notes well.  He switches to the recorder then for Old McDonald, this instrument being easier to make sound pleasant.  I’m just so happy that he tries and he’s learning to read and play music and we’ve had music every day as part of his skool for years now, so maybe it will be normal for him and just easy and part of his life.  For my turn I play Twinkle Twinkle Little Star on the recorder, which has improved since yesterday when I first tried the song.  I like him to see me learning and trying right along with him.  Learning to play the recorder is hard and pushes my boundaries and that’s what I want for him, to be able to do the thing that can be hard but so rewarding.  Hearing a familiar song come out of an instrument in my hands is amazing and I know Mateo can feel that energy.  Homeschooling is an atmosphere and I appreciate a partner like Mateo in creating such an intimate experience.  

Music stops easily, when he’s had enough.  I’m so glad he plays well, really tries a few songs, and then moves on to the next topic, movement.  I like him to stop before it gets yucky, so playing music remains fun and there’s ease in it.  For movement he hasn’t done head stands and hand stands since coming here.  Somehow we have switched to juggling, which for now just involves a lot of playing catch with his ball and the juggling balls.  In between throws to each other, we practice tossing the ball up and catching it with the opposite hand.  His toss has improved greatly going from wild and difficult to catch, to more controlled and easy.  He loves playing catch and I get bored quickly but play along because it’s nice to see him having fun and enjoying skool.  Learning to juggle is hard and he has resisted at times, but responds well to encouragement and my not giving in.  Again, I want him to push through things that are difficult, like learning to juggle, because it seems like his confidence will grow and that is so important for a nice life.  

Math is next and he eats 2 clementines while I read the Fred book, chapter 6 today.  “Life of Fred” math books are SO FUN and smart and we both love them, being in our 3rd book in the series which goes all the way into college calculus.  The books encourage kids to think, to listen, and to pay attention to details.  And they’re silly and funny and creative.  It was just a casual conversation at homeshcool gym one day back in January with a mom I was meeting for the first time and then never saw again.  She mentioned these books and what they were like and I got the first one in the series from our library.  Mateo did two chapters a day for that first book because he couldn’t get enough.  What a gift of a conversation, I’m so glad I was able to receive what she shared.  

Also this week we added a Sudoku puzzle.  I really enjoy these puzzles and it seems like Mateo can practice important skills by solving these.  Most importantly, he enjoys them a lot and I have to stop him every day so we can move on to the next topic.  I like to leave him hungry for more and keep things moving along so skool doesn’t take up too much of our day.  I always mention that he can do more on his own time, or we can do more together after the candle is blown out.  It’s important to me that we get all the topics completed before he gets tired and loses focus, and before I get tired also.  

Last there is art, which usually involves drawing.  Sometimes we paint but today for the 3rd day he’s drawing from a book on Perspective.  He’s practicing drawing 3 dimensional shapes like cubes.  Then he decorates them, which I love.  He tries hard and draws something technical, then throws in some color and a spider web.  His spirit is so gorgeous.  His mind is so sharp.  I just love spending time with him.  Today I draw an elephant and some columns behind and in front of her, copying an idea from a book on the Bhagadvad Gita.  He likes my elephant except for the eye which doesn’t look right.  I add eye lashes and he laughs at that.  We have a good time drawing together.  It was hard for me to learn to draw, to just look at a blank piece of paper and create something.  I’m glad he’s shared my energy of going beyond my comfort zone and learning to draw.  I really enjoy it now…

We come back to the candle together, share things we appreciate, and close skool for the day.  Candle blown out and smoke floating up to the ceiling.  We did it!  Another full week, 3 days in a row.  I’m doing a good job.  My child enjoys homeschool and willingly participates.  Praise the Lord.  My heart is full.

A day in the life.

   Awoke easily just before 5am, after nearly 7 hours of restful sleep.  Stepped outside into the cool morning, bright shiny moon lights my 25 steps to the outhouse.  Have a nice, easy poo.  My body functions so well, it just makes everything quite pleasant.  Bit of a mental debate about staying awake and doing meditation, yoga routine.  Gently agreed with half myself to snuggle back into cozy bed and listen to Mateo breathe in his bed next to me.  Awoke again easily just one minute before alarm at 635am, feeling happy and light.  Wrote one page of appreciation by light of the solar lantern as Mateo softly stirred.  Said good morning and see you later to Mateo, then walked barefoot across the property to the house.  

Enter through the basement door, the “dairy”.  Put on socks and boots and turn stove on to heat my yarrow tea in my favorite pot from Katherine.  Put 13 glass 1/2 gallon jugs of milk from last evening’s milking in the milk fridge.  They rested overnight in coolers full of water and ice jugs.  Now put half melted ice jugs in 3 different freezers, taking fully frozen jugs out to place in coolers of water, ready to cool this morning’s milk jugs.  Say good morning to Laura as she sets up the milk machine about ten minutes to 8am and heads out to the milk barn.  Finish setting up the straining, as we call it.  Place 16 clean jugs on the stainless steel table, write a big W for Wednesday on each one.  Fix clean paper filter into funnel.  Pour myself a cup of hot tea and make sure the walkie talkie is turned on so I will hear when Laura calls to say “milk’s ready”.  

Mateo appears on the stairs, a bit surprised that the house is quiet and no one is awake.  He expresses appreciation that the house is cozy warm.  I agree and ask him why the house is warm.  His eyes light up and he heads out to the woodpile, seemingly happy that he remembered his daily chore of filling the small woodbox next to the kitchen cook stove.  I love sharing life with him.  I head out to the milk barn to hang out with Laura as she milks Honey, the pretty Jersey cow.  Carry about 2 1/2 gallons of milk in two milk pails back across the driveway to the basement and pour it through the filter funnel, filling jugs.  Wipe the openings clean and push a new plastic cap down tight until it clicks and seals.  Rinse jugs of spilled milk and place them in the waiting coolers.  Listen for the walkie talkie call, perfect timing as the last jug goes in, time to take two empty milk pails back out to the barn for Yosheemay’s milk.  

more later...

Update from community

 Arrived 6pm Monday evening, 10/2/2023.  Settled into our temporary basement dwelling by making the bed with our own cozy blankets and pillows.  Welcomed in to the large kitchen table with wooden, mismatched chairs and a delicious home cooked meal.  Mateo played in the basement with new friends while I hand milked Princess the cow.  Fell in to bed about 9pm and slept peacefully.  

     Tuesday brought hand milking Princess while the other two cows were milked with a machine.  Wasn’t time to finish Princess by hand so she was emptied by the machine.  Then Mateo joined the “Roots and Shoots Farm School” that gathers here two days a week this fall.  He participated with the “Thistle” group, about 10 children ages 7 to 9, until 3pm.  I focused on settling in to our personal space in the top off the red cabin.  I swept the plywood floor and wiped it all down with a wet cloth to clear the dust.  It’s a lovely space with a few useful pieces of furniture and a nice rug.  I like being up high in the trees.  Jack lives in the bottom of the red cabin and he carried the mattresses from the house basement across the property to our space upstairs.  

      Towards the end of Farm School, I joined the kids outside for their snack time, enjoying the apple crisp they had made.  By then, two different teachers had commented to me how nice it was to have Mateo in class and that he was joining in easily and enjoying himself.  He confirmed all this when I finally saw him on the playground next to the house.  During the day, he had earned a toy and was happily in love with his new ball, tossing it around and kicking it through the grass.  Now we use the ball in our own homeschool “movement” session, playing catch together.

     With the kids clear from Farm School, I drove my van back to the red cabin and carried load after load of belongings up the sturdy outside stairs to our loft.  Jack was busy making a nice window in the door to allow more light and air into the space.  It felt great to unpack and nest, putting the small table by the window for Mateo’s lego play and setting up our candles and reading light for bedtime.  It was a busy day but I felt like on our first full day here, we could relax and settle into our new home, know where all our things were, and just feel secure and loved.  

     Wednesday morning, well its all beginning to blur together already.  Laura and I have talked quite a bit, mostly in the kitchen.  She is kind, smart, curious, secure in herself, open, organized, and makes a lot of wonderful things happen.  She is pleasant to be around.  Mateo loves Eli, her 10 year old, the best.  They have spent hours together playing boy things.  There’s a huge maple tree just outside the kitchen window and there aren’t any branches until about 10 feet up, but the boys use a rope and pulley to haul themselves up into the branches and it is pure joy to do dishes at the kitchen sink while watching my son play with a bunch of kids up high in a  loving tree.  There are a bunch of other kids, some older, and some younger and its just a pack of children running about and enjoying their life.  There’s a family in the brown cabin back here by our red cabin and they have little 3 year old David who is part of the pack.  Both M & her husband A are easy to get along with and have been helpful and kind as the two new people have arrived. 

     There are chickens and ducks wandering about, a pack of dogs, and a stall of puppies that won’t be separated from mama until the 15th.  I told Mateo he needed to put on different clothes for sleeping and he agreed because he happily explained to me how he had laid down on his back, in the puppy stall and let them crawl all over him.  I love hearing about his day.  We’ve had our own homeschool sessions here in the red cabin Wed and Thursday and that has felt grounding and inspiring.  He’s playing the recorder now instead of the piano.  We’re continuing with his “Life of Fred” math books, which we both Love.  He’s doing narration now from the Charlotte Mason book I looked at and we still do movement and drawing every day.  He’s so smart, reading the sentences in the math book.  This place is great for him.  And for me.

https://stonegardenfarm.com  

papa

papa feels powerless:

Law of Attraction

"Everyone that’s in a power struggle, has cut themselves off from their true power.

The leverage is in alignment, (with your Inner Being or God, Source Energy).

You can join the ranks of the masses who are not thinking about that kind of empowerment, who are really just fighting it out with each other, but

They are really a weak bunch, trying to prove who is the most powerful.

Everyone who is fighting that battle is comparatively really weak.  

It’s why they get so mean, because they really

Feel powerless

Because they’re working against the true nature of the Universe. 

 

No one can overpower me because my connection, my power is just between me and my

Inner Being, between me and God.  It doesn’t have anything to do with anybody else."   

  Driving from the  Bryan, OH Amtrak station to Austin Road, mateo and I talked about what we wanted.  He said he wanted to visit with papa today, spend the night on Austin Rd, maybe at papa's or maybe with me at the farm house, then leave together with me tomorrow, Tuesday back to Muckle Rd.  Mateo said he wanted to come back to spend a long time with papa in the future.  I agreed and said ok, good.  He was clear and easy about it.  He was looking forward to spending time with his cousin Isaac and his friend James back up north by Muckle Road.  

    I told mateo I just wanted to get things clear with him before we talked with papa.  I shared that I was nervous about papa writing a note and taping it to the door again, telling me to return to Muckle Road by myself and we could talk later.  That's what papa did the day mateo and I were meant to get on the train to go to NY.  Miguel wrote a note and taped it to the door of his house, telling me that he and mateo went for a walk in the woods and I "should go to NY by myself, and we could talk upon my return".  So I told mateo that in case papa tries to keep him here, telling me to go on by myself, I wanted to be clear about what mateo wanted to do so I could support him in pursuing his own desires, and not be "taken for a walk in the woods" with a note telling his mama to go on by herself.

Mateo seemed to understand my concern and said, "I won't do that again mama".  I told him thank you and also that he, mateo, had done nothing wrong.  His papa wrote the note.  His papa taped it to the door.  His papa took him on a walk in the woods while his mama was left looking at a piece of paper that said "Go to New York by yourself.  We can talk when you get back."  I told mateo he's just a kid and the adults should be able to work this all out.  

So the plan was, Mateo visit with his papa Monday and Tuesday, then mateo and Kari leave Austin Road together on Tuesday and return to Muckle Road.  

I explained this plan slowly and clearly to miguel upon our arrival, calmly, after they had hugged and had plenty of time to greet each other.  

miguel started talking about, "well, you just had him for 3 weeks", "he'll stay here tonight and then we can talk tomorrow about what's going to happen".

I told mateo that papa was not accepting the plan and that I was scared he would try to keep mateo again with another note taped to the door, so it was best for us to just leave now.  Mateo got in the car, miguel started opening car doors, I tried to block miguel from touching the vehicle, which is not mine, I am borrowing it from a good friend.  I tried to get in the car and miguel opened the passenger door and pulled my backpack out onto the ground, he reached for my purse, he had his hand on the door.  I crawled over the passenger seat and leaned down and grabbed my backpack, miguel caught hold of the handle of the bag with his left hand and punched me in the face with his right hand, closed fist.  Not as hard as he has hit me in the past.  I got my bag back in the car and miguel kept pressure on the passenger door, keeping it open.  I heard mateo say "stop it papa" and miguel said "I am stopping.  She's getting physical with me". I started screaming as loud as I could and he let go of the vehicle and backed away.  I started the car and backed out of the driveway in a safe, controlled manner.  

Mateo said "I told papa to stop and he didn't stop and he said he was stopping".

I'm glad that's over.

All is well

 We did it.

We lived in community for 4 weeks.  Happily.  Joyfully.  We made friends.  Memories.  Mateo and I participated, learned, and explored.

I poured my heart into each moment and it was intentional.  Practice living intentional, regardless of the conditions.  I worked hard and did a really good job because that's who I am.  I wasn't trying to impress anyone and gain an invitation to come.  It felt good to fulfill myself by working well and working hard and having fun and being kind and bringing light.

I am completely satisfied.

and I can see that I'm a bit lazy.  I got here and settled in and just relaxed.  M mentioned just now, the day before we leave, that "the process" is to come here and visit, and then leave for awhile. Allow both sides to sit with it and discern whether or not we'd fit together.  Of course.  That makes sense.  The day before we leave.  It didn't occur to me during the four weeks we were here.  And no one said it to me until this morning, and she's just a friend, just a level headed person, not in the "decision making team".  Thank you M.  When I applied to live at the community in the Ozarks 3 years ago, they told me the same thing.  You must visit us, and then leave.  Then a decision will be made.  Of course.  Seeing that so clearly now, I could have gone to visit the other Camphills during this 4 weeks, but I didn't.  I was just coasting along, enjoying our time in Copake.  Now it's time to return to Michigan and I never went to Triform or the other villages.  Well, I trust the Universe and I have no regrets.  I know that things are always working out for me and I am on my path.  I wanted to live in community and I got what I wanted.

A person I had an informal interview with here at Copake told the house father I've been staying with to tell me, that my application will be reviewed again in 6 months and if I am still interested in living here, they will consider me.  Which is reasonable.  The communication could have been more clear and open, but I know it's just a reflection of what I'm attracting in my life.  I want to attract more courteous, direct communication.  When I get what I don't want, it's easier to know what I do want. 

Michigan, here we come.  Home again.  Full of Love.  Richer for this experience.